There comes a point in an expectant client's pregnancy where I begin nesting.  I start to put aside what I may need, should I receive a phone call in the middle of the night: comfortable clothing and shoes, my doula bag, food, drink, cell phone and charger, breast pump, and on. There have been times where I'm quite thankful to have been prepared, as it was helpful for me to have arrived sooner at her home, than later. 

I make arrangements with friends to care for Everett, I talk with my older children about the possibility of change in their routine, and I look ahead to what might need to be rearranged in my calendar. It's really an exciting time, even though my preparations may not be necessary for days or even weeks. 

I find that if I can settle into bed feeling like I have everything set, should I receive a phone call that night, that I sleep much better. I can fall asleep more quickly, and my sleep is more restful. 

With that said, if I treated each night's sleep as if it's going to be THE NIGHT, then it may feel like a very long waiting game. So instead, I make my preparations, and then I try to LET GO. I try to let go of that anticipation of, "will my client go into labor!?!", because I know that the more pressure I put that tonight may be THE NIGHT, then my energy is being put to use on something that doesn't need that level of energy. 

I remind myself that even knowing a client is three centimeters dilated at her last appointment, I still don't have any idea when her labor will start. Even if I've talked with her earlier in the day, and she's been feeling some cramps throughout the morning, that still doesn't mean she will be calling me later because her labor has intensified or she's requesting my support. 

So in order to really rest and be prepared for when I do receive a call, all I can do is prepare what I can and then LET GO of the questions that I don't have answers for. 

I encourage the families with whom I work to take a similar approach to their last weeks of pregnancy. When each night becomes WILL LABOR BEGIN TONIGHT? then it's bound to feel like a lengthy last few weeks. 

And before you try to tell me how hard it is to not know when labor will begin or that the last few weeks of pregnancy can be uncomfortable and exhausting in their own way, let me tell you: I GET IT! I totally understand feeling ready to go into labor, wondering when in the world my labor would begin, hoping that contractions would begin already! And it's really okay to feel how you feel, honestly. But if you're able to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that you can either stress yourself out with something you really can't control and feel even more exhausted OR you can remind yourself that letting go of those unanswered questions (when will I begin labor, how long will it last, etc.) can give you the space to prepare for your baby more peacefully. 

When your baby is born, he will expect to be held. He will expect to be close to you or someone else that loves him very much. He will expect to be tended to, his needs met. He will show hunger cues, to which he will expect to be fed. You will notice your baby relaxing in your arms as he settles in, nourished and comforted. 

In the early days, when it feels like all you're doing is feeding, changing, and soothing (among other baby-related tasks). keep in mind that you and your baby are both learning. You're also not only healing from birth, but you're producing nourishing milk, and your hormones are shifting as you settle into your non-pregnant, lactating body. Throw on top of that lack of continuous sleep and it's no wonder the first few days (weeks, months) are all a blur. 

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to those with whom you live. Everyone is learning. Everyone is adjusting.

I like to encourage you to create a comfortable, peaceful environment as you approach your due date so that once your baby is born, you will find your space to be conducive to healing, growing and learning. You don't want to put it off for once your baby is here, as you may not feel like tending to those details. 

You may want to:

• set aside clean bedding that someone can put on your bed for once your baby is born. Settling into a comfortable, clean bed can feel so nice. 
• invest in body washes or soaps that you will want to use if you bring your baby in the bath with you; something without dyes or perfumes may be better for baby's sensitive skin. 
• buy snacks and drinks that are yummy, healthy, and nourishing; you will want to have plenty of food and drinks on hand so that you aren't searching for something to eat when you're hungry. Some women say their appetite ramps up while they're breastfeeding, so be prepared that you may find yourself eating more than you were expecting.
• prepare a comfortable place in your home where you can sit, nurse your baby and rest; I enjoyed setting up a station on the couch with a baby seat nearby where I could lay my sleeping baby. I kept my phone, charger and plenty of snacks and a water bottle nearby. Don't forget to turn your ringer off when you're resting! 
• decide where and how you're going to document your baby's first few days (weeks, months); keeping a journal nearby where you can jot down a few sentences or keep a calendar nearby where you can jot down milestones or something you want to remember from the day. Once a month, I like adding my favorite pictures directly into a photo book online where I add text to document the month's happenings; at the end of the year I order it and we have all our favorite pictures in one place. 
• keep non-essential baby gear out of the way; while you may have lots of baby gear and toys for your baby to use in the future, it may feel cluttered to have it all sitting around for months at a time before your baby is big enough to use it. The same goes for clothing and shoes that are too large. 
• make a plan at the beginning of the day (or week) for how you're going to meet your various needs: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Taking care of your whole self can help you function, particularly when you're feeling sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. 

There's no one right way to plan for your postpartum and your baby's early months, but it usually helps to do some prep work before he is born. Only you know what you may need and what brings you comfort and reassurance. 

I love coffee. 

I love the way it tastes and how it warms me. I love the ritual of picking my mug, pouring my half and half, and adding the hot coffee to the mug. I love that first sip. 

Coffee brings me so much comfort when I'm stressed out. It actually helps me get into a space where I can focus and settle in on whatever needs my attention. If I'm wanting self-care and I don't have much time or a lot of money to spend on a great meal or massage therapy appointment, I grab a cup of coffee. Buying this delicious drink actually recharges me (and I'm not talking caffeine-charge here!) and gives me some inner peace as I move about my day. 

When I was pregnant, I lost my ability to drink several cups of coffee a day. Instead of pounding through my 16 oz. cup of Panera hazelnut coffee (once my go-to drink, which has now been replaced with Elm Height's BloomingFoods Americano beverage), I'd let it sit on my desk when I was teaching full-time. At 2:30pm, I'd pick up the cup to realize I still had more than half the cup remaining! It wasn't that I was consciously abstaining; it was really that I just couldn't stomach it and it didn't appeal to me as it had prenatally.

Luckily, now that I'm not pregnant, I have been able to resume my coffee habit. 

I share this because I know everyone has her own comfort items or habits. Maybe you love tea or the scent of your favorite body wash. Maybe you head outside for a run when you're stressed, or perhaps you snuggle in to your most loved blanket with your favorite book. 

I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to really surround yourself with comfort items when you're preparing for birth. You may find your preferences change, and what brought you comfort then does nothing for you now. But I encourage you to find what does bring you comfort and keep it on hand for when you're feeling stressed, worried or anxious. 

Do what brings you joy, relaxation or reassurance, and I promise you, you will not be sorry! 

When you count on others around you to take away your worries or ease your discomfort, you may find that you're setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. Maybe you're counting on your sister to guide you through your contractions, solely because she had a baby last year. Or maybe you are expecting to get immediate pain relief through medication so you don't need to experience the pain of contractions. You might have to consider that your sister won't have all the answers or maybe she's not able to join you in labor as you had expected. Maybe your labor is going so quickly that pain medication is not an option. 

Setting yourself up for a positive birth experience means taking ownership over what you can do during labor and birth. You can't change the length or strenghth of the contractions, but you can be in charge of how you move your body, how you respond to the contraction buildling in your lower belly, and whether you're welcoming the labor or trying to escape it. 

This is not to say that you can make your labor pain-free, but you can help it to feel more manageable. 

Find what brings you comfort, and use it. 

When you've pictured yourself laboring, getting ready for your baby birth's, who is by your side? Are you surrounded by many loved ones? Is only your midwife or doctor present, along with the midwife's assistant or nurse? Perhaps you have a birth doula, your partner and mother to support you? 

There's not one right way to labor, just as there's not one right birth team to put together. But do consider the benefits of having someone who is trained to support you during childbirth. This person, a birth doula, is familiar with the birth process and how to support you, along with your birth partner (i.e., husband, girlfriend, mother, etc.). She is available, not to replace your birth partner, but to compliment the relationship that already exists between you and your birth partner. She is there to support your needs along with making sure your birth partner feels supported. 

Maybe you're not quite sure you want a birth doula, or maybe it's your birth partner that is hesitant to add another person to your birth team. I encourage families that are curious about whether to hire a birth doula to go ahead and schedule interviews with several to learn more. Interviews are done at no charge, and you will have an opportunity to ask questions and share your thoughts and preferences regarding your pregnancy and upcoming birth. You'll also want to meet more than one birth doula, as you may not necessarily mesh well with the first one you meet or you may find that upon meeting a couple more doulas, that in fact the first one you interviewed is the best fit for everyone. You want to feel sure that you will feel comfortable and uninhibited around whoever it is surrounds you on the day of your baby's birth. 

I realize not everyone is necessarily interested in having a stranger at their birth, and I understand the hesitations. Keep in mind, the stranger your doula is to you at that first meeting will shift into a different relationship. More than likely, you'll develop a close and comfortable relationship with her as you move closer to your baby's birth, and by the time you call her when you go into labor, you will feel at ease with her presence during such a vulnerable and intimate time. 

Remember, your doula is experienced in childbirth (having witnessed it, perhaps having given birth, and is well educated in childbirth), and you will probably not surprise her with any of your noises, movements, requests or behaviors during labor and birth. 

If you're unsure you want to hire a doula, but you are interested in the prenatal support you may receive from meeting with one, keep in mind that you may be able to arrange for meetings with a birth doula without necessarily asking her to be part of your birth team. 

I offer consultation services, similar to my prenatal visits with my clients, for families that want to discuss birth planning (i.e., preferences, birth wishes, birth plans), comfort measures and movements, and postpartum planning. During this time, you'll have a chance to share your thoughts, ask questions, and have an opportunity for additional support and resources. 

Perhaps you are happy with your prenatal care, but you wish you had a bit more time to discuss how you're feeling, planning for your labor, and how to prepare for parenthood with your care provider. While I won't give medical advice, I am available to discuss with you a lot of things that often come up in getting ready for childbirth. Without having to commit to hiring a birth doula, I can bring the best of both worlds for families that don't want to have a birth doula present during childbirth. 

And if you do decide to hire me as your birth doula (based on my availability, this may not always be possible to arrange), I will apply the consultation fees towards my birth doula fee. 

If you want to set up a consultation meeting, please give me a call or send me an email. Fees are $40/hour and most consultations last 1-2 hours (we can arrange this prior to our meeting). 

When I was recently sick, I curled up with my son's blanket. It was warm and soft, and it made me think of the cuddles we've shared. It was exactly what I needed to bring me comfort, to help me during a trying time. I turned it over, bunched it up, smoothed it out, and found the exact way to lean into it to feel most comfortable. I started to think about how much this one item could bring me comfort and ease my aching body. My mind traveled back to my labors with my children and also the many labors I've witnessed in my years as a birth doula. Often times, women find something of comfort during their labors and childbirth experiences. Sometimes it's an item from their baby's nursery, a blanket or little cap to be worn after birth. Other times it's something that belongs to the mother, a comfortable robe or photograph she's found to be beautiful and inspiring. 

I encourage you to think about what brings you comfort, and what you may want to have on hand during labor. Maybe it's your favorite pillow, with the familiar smells and texture of your bed linens from home. Or perhaps you want to instead bring a cozy pair of slippers to wear while walking around your home, working through the strong contractions that will bring your baby into your arms. 

Don't underestimate the strength and power of familiar items that currently bring you comfort. During challenging times, you may find the comfort you need to help you get through.  

Waiting.

It seems as if so much surrounding children involves waiting. And it usually begins with those first thoughts, "I'd love to have a baby." In the beginning, you may be waiting to ovulate or to see if your period comes. You may be waiting to take that pregnancy test or schedule that appointment to see your doctor. And then when you become pregnant, that first piece of waiting is over. 

But now, you may be waiting to tell your parents or your coworkers or your Facebook friends. And then you may be waiting to find out test, lab or ultrasound results. Perhaps you're waiting until you can find out the sex of the baby or maybe you're just waiting until the birth date for that one. You're waiting for your belly to round or you're waiting for those kicks. You're waiting to feel better and less tired or you're waiting to indulge in your favorite foods (sushi, soft cheeses) until after delivery, per What to Expect While Expecting. 

During your pregnancy, you can't imagine wanting to give birth any sooner than your due date, but as you get further in your pregnancy, you start to feel more ready and excited and anxious than ever before. You find yourself at 35 weeks thinking about your due date, only a month or so away. And as it creeps closer, your belly grows and you start to feel more uncomfortable, more ready to meet this baby. At 37 weeks, you start announcing to everyone that your baby is full-term now, and that he can be born whenever he likes! And you start thinking, any day...any day! You reach 38 weeks, certain that you won't have to wait much longer...will tonight be the night I go into labor? 39 weeks arrives and you're positive that there's no way whatsoever that you will still be pregnant and make that OB appointment next week. Your due date is here (yeah!) and you're STILL PREGNANT. You're certain this baby will be born sometime in the next 18 hours, and every hour that passes you start to realize your baby will be not born today and you will in fact be pregnant again tomorrow. You schedule an appointment for 41 weeks, hoping, praying, begging your body to still not be pregnant at that point. You have been waiting, waiting, WAITING to go into labor and you had no anticipation of making it to 41 weeks, let alone a whole new month you're now in! You were supposed to have a February baby, not a March baby! So you're at 41 weeks, scheduling additional tests to monitor baby, and you leave the appointment feeling like you're never going to give birth. You're the one woman that will remain pregnant forever. 

You go to bed, settled on the fact that you will give birth to a four year old and that's just how it'll be. Or maybe you'll just go ahead and schedule that induction for a few days from now, as your body clearly can't do its job. 

Only...you wake up at 3am feeling something you haven't felt before. It's kind of this crampy, uncomfortable feeling that makes you pay attention. It's short lived, your uterus softens and you glance at the clock. Okay, that was weird, you think. You close your eyes, only to feel this crampy tightening again, 10 minutes later. Hmmm... I might as well get up and use the toilet since I'm already awake. You make your way into the bathroom, and when you wipe, you notice the toilet paper is gooey. As you're walking back into your room, you feel another tightening, this time making you stop and pause. And then it hits you...the waiting is over! This is it! This is the beginning of your journey in meeting your baby. 

You spent the rest of labor, working through contractions, but essentially waiting for labor to intensify, and once it does, you're waiting for the time to begin pushing. Once you start pushing, you're waiting for that final push that brings your baby into your arms. And then...it happens! Your baby is here. The waiting is over!!! Or is it? 

You'll find yourself waiting for lots of changes and developmental milestones to be reached. And if you allow it, you'll find yourself spending much of your time waiting for the next stage to happen. 

But I encourage you to slow down, notice where your emotions and thoughts are now, and steady them so that you stay in the moment. This is not to say you have to enjoy every step along the way and just be happy... no. I'm just suggesting that if you spend your energy waiting for the next moment, you're going to lose out on what is happening RIGHT NOW. 

Your baby will be born. Your baby will sleep for longer stretches. Your toddler will start talking. 

Take the time, now, to just be where you are in whatever stage of parenthood you happen to be. And notice how peaceful it can be to just be there, rather than always feeling like you're waiting for something else. 

Alright, so you have stuff and you have things and you have a bit of this and that. So now you're about ready for Baby, right? 

Maybe. 

Or maybe what you need to do is get emotionally ready for this new little being that will share your home for the next eighteen more more years. 

I'm not saying you have to emotionally prep for parenting an eighteen year old, but you do need to wrap your head around building your family from where you are now to where you'll be in a matter of months (weeks, days?). 

Perhaps it's just you and your wife, and you're giddy that your first child will be born shortly. Or maybe you have four older kids and this new one was a (ahem) surprise! Families come in all different forms, but planning for and setting in place support for everyone involved can make your postpartum period that much more pleasant and enjoyable. 

As a family (and this includes small children and anyone who will be intimately involved the first few months), have a conversation about the anticipations surrounding the end of Mom's pregnancy. What does she need to feel well nourished, rested and prepared for labor, birth and caring for the needs of this new baby? Who will help support Mom, and are there things that every person can do to make the transition a bit smoother? 

What does the other parent need, in preparing for this new baby's birth? And what preparations can be made now to make the adjustment less stressful on everyone? If there are other children involved, do they have a realistic expectation on what changes may occur? And if you're not quite sure what changes may occur, then you may want to think about (talk, make a list, etc.) who carries various responsibilities now and who will take on these tasks or chores when Mom (and possibly the other parent) are unavailable? 

Some families find it takes a shorter amount of time before the parent(s) are ready to attempt some idea of before-baby "normalcy", and in fact, there may be tasks that simply can't be put to the side (i.e., walking the dog, eating dinner, wearing clean(ish) clothes! But just because these tasks can't be ignored, doesn't mean that Mom and/or the other parent needs to be the ones responsible. Perhaps budgeting during pregnancy for a postpartum doula may ease the burden of those tasks that need to happen. Or maybe planning ahead and freezing meals or setting up a meal train may be helpful when it comes to feeding everyone. 

This leads to the next idea that every person's expectations will have to shift, probably towards the end of Mom's pregnancy but definitely after the birth and during the early days and weeks (probably longer!). There may have been struggles to "get it all done" before the baby was born, and it's not going to magically get easier once Mom is no longer pregnant. Instead, the focus in the beginning of this new baby's life will be holding, feeding, diapering and resting. During this time, Mom will not be able to give 100% of her attention to anything in her life, rather she'll be balancing the needs of recovering, feeding her baby, and then shifting what is left of her energy to what is vital. Understanding that this is not how it will always be is a good reminder for everyone. There will come a time when the baby does not seemingly take everyone's time and energy, and it's helpful to think of what your baby is expecting and needing during the early days and weeks. 

Keeping open communication and remembering to let go of unrealistic expectations can be helpful in getting emotionally ready for this new baby!

Often times expectant parents are curious what they need to have before Baby arrives. If you look at any magazine articles, blogs or pregnancy books, you will most likely see a list of items you're encouraged to have. Talking with other parents, you'll also probably hear an earful: YOU-MUST-HAVE-THIS-AMAZING-BABY-GADGET-OR-ELSE!! 

Truth is, you (and your baby!) will be fine with the minimum amount of stuff that is out there and marketed to you. That's not to say that some of that stuff can't make your life a little easier for a short period of time (in the scheme of things), but you may find that this stuff just takes up space, costs money and remains unused for most of the time. With that said, as parents, YOU get to decide what you provide to your baby and what you put in your home. 

Whether you receive gifts, hand-me-downs or go shopping, consider a few things:

• Do I already own something similar? 
• Does my child "need"* this object? *need is used loosely!
• Is there a way my child would have access to this object elsewhere? 
• Is this object well-made, safe for my child and the environment? 
• Is there something I already have that could be a substitute for said object? 
• If I keep or buy this object, will it add to the growth and happiness for my child/our family or will it add stress/chaos due to size, upkeep or other factor?

Let me stress, there's nothing wrong with having a home full of baby toys, clothes, gear or other stuff...as long as you feel at peace with the quantity and quality of it all. But if it's stressful, hard to manage or chaotic sorting through everything related to baby, then perhaps you need to look at it with a critical eye and pass on, sell or store anything that is not helping or adding to the growth of your child or family. 

What are MY top five? 

1. set of toy keys for my baby to shake, chew and suck 
2. set of blocks (and watch how your child plays differently with them as she grows!)
3. Baby Legs leg warmers (perfect for adding or removing when the weather changes)
4. outdoor ball 
5. baby carrier (I prefer Ergo for it's durability and comfort)

What are YOUR top five object?