Being a birth doula, I often times need to know what the next 9 months hold, in terms of family vacations, weekend getaways, and the like. Essentially, if I'm not going to be in town, I like to know in advance so that when I interview with a family, I can let them know if I'm planning on being out of town close to their due date. Sure, I arrange for a back-up doula, but when I spend time prenatally with a family and they've asked me to be part of their birth team, being with them is my priority. Short of being too sick to be around a laboring mother and new baby or a death in my family, I plan on being with the family at the time they ask me to join them in labor. 

You may already know that I'm going to be out of town this summer, returning at the end of July. I will be gone 8-10 weeks, and when I return, I very much want to be present for my family in a predictable way. Being a birth doula, as you can imagine, is anything but predictable. 

Though I love being with a family when they're working so hard to meet their baby, I'm stepping back from providing labor support until the new year. Giving myself and my family a more predictable schedule feels only right, given my summer away. 

I will continue to teach childbirth education classes, and I'm available for private classes and consultations. I'll be available to arrange appointments when I'm back, so please let me know if you're interested in setting something up after August. 

Thanks to all the families with whom I've worked. It's been such an honor and pleasure. 

How many times do we look ahead to an anticipated event, and all we can do is spend our time dwelling on the unknown. Even when we have happy moments that we look ahead to, such as a wedding, vacation or graduation, we seem to live in limbo. We can't wait for that day to arrive, and yet we have a lot of todays to live. 

When you're expecting a baby, or even waiting for that positive pregnancy test, it's easy to look ahead into the future and just feel like you're w-a-i-t-i-n-g for the day to finally get here, the one you've been thinking about for months (or years!). 

I am living that life of limbo right now. I have really great ways to pass my days; I love my work, my family keeps me busy and entertained, and there never seems to be a shortage of chores and errands to tend to. 

You may also know that I'm preparing to ride my bicycle from one end of the country to the other. I have less than four weeks before I leave (I might have just gasped when I wrote that). I am also no longer on-call for birth doula work, which means that my energy and attention is fully in "go-mode" in regard to my bicycle trip. 

But the thing is, I'm still a fully participating member of my family until I fly out in mid-May. I'm responsible for not only taking care of my bicycle preparations, but the care of my family and home, as well. That's not to say I do this on my own; my husband and I share pretty equally in our family and home responsibilities. I am still here, surrounded by end-of-school-year events for my children, laundry that never seems to quite be finished, bills that have to be paid. I still have lots of todays to live and manage. I have cabinets I want to organize, floors I want to clean, notes I want to make about our garden and general notes about the things I tend to take responsibility for, such as well-check appointments, prep for camp, and deep cleaning bathroom chores. 

I have this day I've been thinking about, the day I fly out east, and then I have this whole summer where I'm thinking about the challenges and joys I'll experience. But if I keep my focus on those things, I will most definitely regret all of the todays I missed out on. 

For the last several months, I've been planning my bicycle adventure to Oregon. I did a practice ride last fall, and I have spent many hours looking over my maps, googling the camping options and local sites. 

Preparing to leave in six weeks brings me back to the time when I was excitedly anticipating the births of each of my children, though this time I know exactly when I'm flying out to Virginia to begin my ride. I can't say I had the promise of such an exact time when I was eager to meet my babies! 

When I say, I have six weeks left, I think about how I feel when I know I have a limited amount of time before I embark on this adventure. This is much like when I knew I had a finite amount of time before my family welcomed a new baby; there was so much to do! I was so ready! I needed more time! Why hadn't I taken advantage of the many months prior to this 6-weeks-left mark?! 

I also am grappling with the idea that I've publicly shared my lofty goal to bicycle across America, though there is nothing that is guaranteeing me a certain experience or outcome. When I was expecting my children, I don't remember if I shared my preference for a certain birth or experience. But for many women, it can feel daunting to confidently proclaim she WILL HAVE her desired birth without deviating from her plan. And as a birth doula, I encourage the families with whom I work to learn about and understand why interventions may be suggested or perhaps preferable. Because, we never know how birth will unfold, even for the woman that has done "everything" she could to have a certain experience. 

So, here I am, soon to be flying out to Virginia to begin my bicycle ride. I could tell myself that I will most definitely meet my goals and expectations. I could give myself some space to stop before I reach Oregon, knowing that I "may not be able to do it." But honestly, right now, I'm at a place where I am visualizing riding on that first day, away from the Atlantic Ocean and headed towards the Pacific. I am imagining days where I'm just so exhausted, wondering why I even schemed up this ride. I can picture crying myself to sleep, as I think about my children and husband. And the best thoughts include cycling into camp at the end of the day, feeling proud of my body and my perseverance. 

Much like birth, I thought about how it would feel to hold my baby at the end of labor. I imagined looking down at my child's face, seeing this new person for the first time. I dreamt about how wonderful it would feel to welcome this sweet soul into our family. With cycling, I think about the end goal, whether it be the end of a day, a week's worth of riding, or the end of my 10-week (?) adventure. 

With six weeks left, I know that I have a lifetime before I leave as well as a blink of an eye. This time is sacred and I'm so grateful to even be in this position to dream about sunsets over mountain passes and the smell of the ocean air as I ride into my final destination. 

Interested in following my ride? I am keeping a blog at amybikes.com, and I would love to share with you my joys and challenges. Want to mail me a letter or a care package? Email me and I'll be sure to send you my mail drop information.