Pregnancy changes everything. 

Your body grows, your emotions shift, and you're suddenly thrown into this mindset that you are so intimately connected to this new person. 

In spite of how it feels at the end of your pregnancy, you will not remain pregnant forever. I promise. You will eventually go into labor (either spontaneously or with some help from your doctor) or you will meet your little one after a cesarean birth. This time where you feel your little one move and shift will come to an end, and she will be in your arms, all fresh and new and pink. It is amazing and overwhelming and new and a bit scary all at once. And that pretty much explains parenthood. 

Even with three children, the oldest being ten years old and the youngest four years old, I am still experiencing these "new" sensations ALL THE TIME. I imagine that doesn't stop, as it's all new whether you're learning how to parent your three year old, thirteen year old or thirty year old. The difference being that while you may not be learning what foods to feed them or what rules to create, you are still discovering so much about this person at this new stage of their life. 

I look back at pictures of my pregnant self and the pictures of me holding my firstborn, and it all feels so long ago. I have an appreciation for that time in my life, when I felt like my belly couldn't grow any more (it did!) and I see that tired woman, smiling at the camera, cradling her new baby; I'm amazed that that woman is me, because it feels like I've grown so much since that time. But my love for the woman back then is so big. I honor the woman I was eleven years ago because she was becoming the woman I am today. She is beautiful and whole and strong. 

Today, notice your beauty and strength as you look in the mirror. Look back at the pictures from years past and smile at the changes that have happened since that time. And next time you see a very-pregnant woman, tell her how beautiful she is. 

Every year, sometime in January, I start thinking about our backyard garden. This older picture shows beds of lettuce and spinach, among other green vegetables. This was a season that I didn't lend a hand, though I can't remember why. Though by the pictures, it looks like it was a successful season, straw and soaker hoses weaving in between the plants. I imagine we had a new baby or perhaps 2 children, 2 and under. If I were to scroll through our many years of backyard gardening, they'd look different each time. Some beds have been expanded, some minimized. We now have a chicken coop and more shade from a growing tree, so our options for gardening in those areas are limited. 

I think about all these things as I dream about our 2017 garden on this cold, snowy night, because I need to remember how even when things change (i.e., relationships, people, our garden plans), it can still very much bring joy and fulfillment to my life. Yes, my tomatoes didn't grow well this past summer. I didn't harvest what little spinach and lettuce I grew. And our blueberry bushes were picked clean by the birds (and probably our chickens). But, this year I had the most amazing zinnias and cosmos plants. We lacked vegetables and herbs, but we made up for that with bouquets of colorful blooms and new growth all the way into October. 

I still dream about my ideal garden, but it's much easier to see what is growing and blossoming rather than focusing on what didn't take or the squash plants that always tend to wilt halfway through the season from those darn squash bugs. I love that first day in the garden, clearing away the winter mess and preparing the soil for new life. I also love seeing the plants rise from the sun and rain, growing stronger and more beautiful each week. And finally, I love the end of the season, when I have to say goodbye to my fading plants, the ones that have worked so hard all summer but their time has come to return to the soil or compost pile. 

When you look ahead to new growth in your life (pregnancy, children getting older, change in relationships), or perhaps reflect on what was, see the change that happens, even the difficult or unexpected change, that needs to happen in order for you to bloom and flourish. Some of these changes don't feel good and they're not what you anticipated, but it's still harboring energy and life for what will be. And take a moment to recognize what did bloom in this season of your life, whether it was your entire garden or perhaps just one single flower that brought new life and color to your world. 

With the new year beginning, you may find yourself under the spell of New Year's Resolutions. It's a time when you have an opportunity to "start fresh" and finally stop/start/learn/be/do...whatever it is that has been on your mind. Maybe the latest ads or commercials have convinced you that this is the year for you to finally _______ and gosh-darn-it, YOU WILL! And you begin to make these very big judgements about yourself, all based on "how you did" that day and suddenly your self-worth is tied up with whether or not you were able to make permanent change. 

Here's the thing- who you are on December 31 is the same YOU on January 3, whether or not you've managed to keep your resolultions (whatever that means for you). Are you compassionate with yourself and your progress, seeing the bigger picture? Do you recognize your innate beauty and character first, seeing your daily challenges as part of your journey? 

You know yourself and your needs best; if setting goals that are very black and white (i.e., I ran 30 minutes today or I didn't run 30 minutes today), then do what works for you. Perhaps reframing your goals in terms of why (i.e., I want to exercise my body so I have more energy) will help you keep focus on what you're doing to meet those goals (i.e., I didn't run 30 minutes, but I played with my child at the park and walked around the museum for an hour). 

You might also be kind to yourself when you have a week filled with sickness, snow days, and work deadlines. That doesn't mean that you have to "give up" but you might show yourself the same understanding as you would a friend. 

One thing I like to do in my family is reframe our resolutions; instead of thinking about the clichéd goals that are set year after year, we think about what it is we want to learn, do, or experience. One year my resolution was baking and decorating a multi-layered cake. This year my resolution is to go camping at least 6 times. 

Be kind with yourself, see the big picture and have fun with your resolutions! May your journey through 2017 be one filled with compassion and curiousity. Peace!