Spending time preparing for birth often times takes up a majority of your head-space when you are expecting a baby. I've heard it from countless expectant parents, and it's really common to focus on how this person will leave your body. 

One of the things I talk over with expectant families is planning for life after your baby is here. And a lot of the time, the focus is on the stuff. On one hand, you need stuff! You need diapers and clothing and blankets. It's also nice to have other items on hand, and that varies for every family. Speaking from experience, I totally understand the desire to feather your nest, stocking up on items you've never really considered before, adding items to your cart (real or virtual) that you just might need for your baby or postpartum needs. 

Beyond the stuff, I often times inquire about other plans for support. 

• When you arrive home from the hospital (or your home birth team has left), what do you envision? 
• When it's time for a meal or mini-meal, what do you have to choose from? 
• When you need to use the bathroom or the shower, what will you want to have nearby?
• Are there tasks in your home that will need to be tended to, and how do you expect that to happen?
• What are you expecting or wanting, in terms of visitors and supportive people? 
• How will you balance having visitors with the needs for rest, feeding and being with your baby? 

There's not a right answer to any of those inquiries; sometimes it just helps to begin a conversation. 

I also encourage families to consider what already brings them peace in their home. What is important to you when you are recovering from an illness, injury or stressful time? Is there anything that makes that time more challenging? If so, is there anything you can plan for in advance to address this? 

I remind families that what their life is in those first few weeks or months is not how it's going to be FOREVER. That's a good reminder for all of us! In times of challenge, it is not our forever. It's our right now and it's going to change. Also, what feels stressful for one family may not bother another family! It's all about meeting your needs as a new family. 

Some options for how postpartum support can help:

• cutting up fruit & veggies, slicing cheese and arranging it with crackers and a dollop of peanut butter and prepping a fresh salad for later
• washing breast pump parts and bottles
• washing and replacing bed linens
• tidying up living space
• cleaning your bathroom and making sure it's stocked with your postpartum items 
• refilling your water bottle and sitting with you on the couch while you snuggle baby, listening and talking
• taking out the garbage, scooping your cat's litter box, taking your dog for a walk

Like I said, it looks different for everyone. 

A new offering I have for Bloomington-based families is a 75 minute visit that addresses what YOU need so you can settle in and be with your baby. This is a great offering for families that may otherwise be planning on the other parent doing those tasks, because let's be honest, the other parent is also adjusting to the new normal and is probably sleeping less and doing more to support Mom & Baby. 

Consider what would be helpful for another person to do, no strings attached! We can spend as much time talking and being with one another or you can be in another room while I work on the to-do list you've created or we've discussed beforehand. Imagine waking from a nap with your baby and seeing a cleaned kitchen and bathroom, the Diaper Genie is emptied and a snack plate is waiting for you. 

Details:

• Schedule an free interview to share what type of support you're seeking, sharing a loose idea of how often and when you may want to plan for support
  
• Once your baby is here, schedule one or more 75-minute visits and create a to-do list for me, noting what is priority for my visit 
• Each 75-minute visit is $25
• Packages available: Buy 10 visits (total 13.75 hours), get one visit free ($275 regular/$250 special)
• Availability through May 15, 2020

I sit here, grateful for the weeks my family had as we adventured westward and stayed in beautiful places, including Mother Earth Hogan, located near Monument Valley in southern Utah. There was a peacefulness to driving from one state or national park to another, sitting in the car, knowing there was no other place we needed to be than where we were. Being in the car meant settling in, passing out snacks and drinks, reading, napping, tending to my children, and often times mediating their quarrels. It meant just being, moving forward towards our next destination. While we were excited and often times ready to get out of the minivan, we couldn't hurry the process. We had to just keep the pace, adjust our expectations when traffic slowed and be okay with where we were in the journey. 

Does that sound familiar? 

Often times in motherhood, I find that I "keep on keeping on", adjust to the changes and accept where I am in this season of mothering my children. Some days are more challenging than others, but it really comes back to the idea that I have to just be where I am. 

What about you? What helps you in journey in motherhood? 

A new year, another blog post. <gasp> What happened in 2018 that resulted in me stepping away from my favored social media (bye Facebook!) and turning inward? 

I don't even know, to be honest. I was honored to be with loved and special families, with whom I've worked before, during their baby's birth. I adventured with my family on our road trip to Utah, Colorado and Arizona. I supported families after the birth of their little one, and I continued to teach childbirth education at the local hospital. 

But...but...I had these big moments where I needed to retreat. I needed to decline interviews and declare I was stepping away from birth work. I contemplated my work and personal daily routine, now that my youngest was in kindergarten. Similar to having my first baby and becoming a mother, I just didn't feel prepared for my new normal. It has taken months for me to feel more grounded and settled, and though it was challenging at times, it has been so worth it. 

So, it's January 2019 and I'm fighting the itch to declare this is the year to _____. Because when I really consider what it is I want from 2019, it's to feel connected to others, authentic in my relationships and mindfully living. It can feel challenging not to tell myself this is the year! I will finally be the person I've always hoped to become! Because setting myself up for such an expectation just doesn't feel right. 

Here's to a new year, honoring where you've been, where you are and where you're headed. 

Happy 2018!

Each new year, I feel both inspired and overwhelmed. This year, I signed up for online courses on decluttering, minimalism and mindfulness. It's no wonder it starts to feel like too much on day 3!

So, I've had to step back and remind myself that just because we've turned the page in the calendar or started a new journal, fresh and ready for the "new and improved" person we'll aim to be, there's no reason to look at this as an "all or nothing" type of living. 

I think to myself, what do I WANT, instead of, what do I need to change about myself and my habits? So, instead of saying, I need to stop buying so many coffees while I'm out and about, I reframe it as, ​I want to brew more coffee at home, both to save money and reduce the waste from buying a coffee in a to-go cup. 

This year, I've decided to write a letter a day. I'm calling it my #yearofcorrespondence and it's a goal that feels right, right now. I'm three days in, and while I don't know what my guidelines will be as I continue, I anticipate I will write and mail off the letter or postcard on the daily. Originally, when I contemplated a daily writing habit, I thought maybe it'd be a #yearofgratitude, but I started considering that maybe I wouldn't authentically feel gratitude and feel called to write about it. So, instead, I thought about my goal and that was to write a letter (or postcard) every day this year. If you want to be included in this, send me your address! I have 362 days left to write!

This new year will not result in a new you. You will still be you, and that is wonderful!

disclaimer: my husband designed and handprinted this towel, but I love it. It's a good reminder. 

Just like other interests, writing and keeping up on my blog posts has ebbed and flowed. Depending on what my children need, our family's happenings and doings, and my own energy level, it just doesn't always happen. I've learned to be okay with what doesn't go as planned, though sometimes that's easier said than practiced. 

We're in the middle of October, heading into the darker and colder seasons. It's a time that always encourages me to go inward, to stay inside my home, to curl up under some warm throws on the sofa. There's never a shortage of coffee, even at 10pm, and there's a sense of gratitude for my fading garden, warm days, and summer activities. 

But this time, I'm in more of a reflective space, acknowledging not only my moments of gratitude but for the times I've felt a sense of loss or disappointment. I'm grateful, yes, for my growing swiss chard in my garden and also recognizing that it's been growing abundantly without harvesting it to eat. Why grow something that we don't harvest? We like swiss chard, and it's easy enough to prepare! It feels so symbolic for what we have in our lives that we just aren't accessing; there doesn't have to be a reason or an excuse given, and maybe simply acknowledging it makes it all feel okay. 

The world's happenings and current events feel so differently received than a year ago, and I'm learning how to move through the unknowns while mothering my young ones and being a partner to my husband and a community member to others. I don't have any answers or perfect solutions, but on the daily I make a decision to just "keep on, keeping on." 

Maybe you're expecting a baby or adjusting to life with a new little one; your support network can be made up of your families and friends, but it can also include professionals from your community. I'm available to provide postpartum support to new parents as well as prenatal support to the expectant family. 

Let me know if you'd like to set up an interview or learn more. Let me be part of your support that encourages and celebrates you to "keep on, keeping on." 

artwork above was created during one of our Family Meetings, March 2017

I've written about our Family Meetings at some point, but I'm not sure where, so I'll share again what really helped transform our family's story. 

Several years ago, when our older was probably 4 and younger 3 years old, we started a weekly tradition on Sunday evenings. I learned about the various ways to hold a family meeting from a library book, and it felt like it would only help us grow as a family. Our family schedules were busy and unpredictable, due to my birth doula work, and sometimes it felt like my husband and I were ships crossing in the night. I really wanted this time together, to build relationships while also having something to count on every week.

There have been months where we don't have Family Meetings, just as there are weekends every now and again where we're all not home together on Sunday night, and we end up waiting until the following week. 

We take turns with facilitating the meeting, and whoever facilitates it also gets to choose the activity at the end. 

We start the meeting with saying nice things about one another, perhaps something that made us proud or even an accomplishment that deserves recognition. This is followed by sharing things that we want to be better at or we might go around the circle and share what others may want to work on. After this, we review our upcoming schedule for the week, followed by activity time. Activities have included: writing letters, watching a movie or AFV, meditation, games, art, and even a family fire drill. 

Some of the reasons we continue having Family Meetings, so many years after we started:

• saying nice things to your partner or children, where we all hear the compliment and recognize the person, feels good and helps us to see each other through one another's eyes 
• having space to share our personal goals helps with accountability
• asking one another, in a safe space, to _____ (improve, work on, recognize) something that is affecting the family allows us to be honest and open with each other
• reviewing our upcoming week's activities helps us know what to expect

I expect our Family Meetings will shift as the kids grow, though I really hope they continue to reinforce our family values. 

Pregnancy changes everything. 

Your body grows, your emotions shift, and you're suddenly thrown into this mindset that you are so intimately connected to this new person. 

In spite of how it feels at the end of your pregnancy, you will not remain pregnant forever. I promise. You will eventually go into labor (either spontaneously or with some help from your doctor) or you will meet your little one after a cesarean birth. This time where you feel your little one move and shift will come to an end, and she will be in your arms, all fresh and new and pink. It is amazing and overwhelming and new and a bit scary all at once. And that pretty much explains parenthood. 

Even with three children, the oldest being ten years old and the youngest four years old, I am still experiencing these "new" sensations ALL THE TIME. I imagine that doesn't stop, as it's all new whether you're learning how to parent your three year old, thirteen year old or thirty year old. The difference being that while you may not be learning what foods to feed them or what rules to create, you are still discovering so much about this person at this new stage of their life. 

I look back at pictures of my pregnant self and the pictures of me holding my firstborn, and it all feels so long ago. I have an appreciation for that time in my life, when I felt like my belly couldn't grow any more (it did!) and I see that tired woman, smiling at the camera, cradling her new baby; I'm amazed that that woman is me, because it feels like I've grown so much since that time. But my love for the woman back then is so big. I honor the woman I was eleven years ago because she was becoming the woman I am today. She is beautiful and whole and strong. 

Today, notice your beauty and strength as you look in the mirror. Look back at the pictures from years past and smile at the changes that have happened since that time. And next time you see a very-pregnant woman, tell her how beautiful she is. 

Every year, sometime in January, I start thinking about our backyard garden. This older picture shows beds of lettuce and spinach, among other green vegetables. This was a season that I didn't lend a hand, though I can't remember why. Though by the pictures, it looks like it was a successful season, straw and soaker hoses weaving in between the plants. I imagine we had a new baby or perhaps 2 children, 2 and under. If I were to scroll through our many years of backyard gardening, they'd look different each time. Some beds have been expanded, some minimized. We now have a chicken coop and more shade from a growing tree, so our options for gardening in those areas are limited. 

I think about all these things as I dream about our 2017 garden on this cold, snowy night, because I need to remember how even when things change (i.e., relationships, people, our garden plans), it can still very much bring joy and fulfillment to my life. Yes, my tomatoes didn't grow well this past summer. I didn't harvest what little spinach and lettuce I grew. And our blueberry bushes were picked clean by the birds (and probably our chickens). But, this year I had the most amazing zinnias and cosmos plants. We lacked vegetables and herbs, but we made up for that with bouquets of colorful blooms and new growth all the way into October. 

I still dream about my ideal garden, but it's much easier to see what is growing and blossoming rather than focusing on what didn't take or the squash plants that always tend to wilt halfway through the season from those darn squash bugs. I love that first day in the garden, clearing away the winter mess and preparing the soil for new life. I also love seeing the plants rise from the sun and rain, growing stronger and more beautiful each week. And finally, I love the end of the season, when I have to say goodbye to my fading plants, the ones that have worked so hard all summer but their time has come to return to the soil or compost pile. 

When you look ahead to new growth in your life (pregnancy, children getting older, change in relationships), or perhaps reflect on what was, see the change that happens, even the difficult or unexpected change, that needs to happen in order for you to bloom and flourish. Some of these changes don't feel good and they're not what you anticipated, but it's still harboring energy and life for what will be. And take a moment to recognize what did bloom in this season of your life, whether it was your entire garden or perhaps just one single flower that brought new life and color to your world. 

With the new year beginning, you may find yourself under the spell of New Year's Resolutions. It's a time when you have an opportunity to "start fresh" and finally stop/start/learn/be/do...whatever it is that has been on your mind. Maybe the latest ads or commercials have convinced you that this is the year for you to finally _______ and gosh-darn-it, YOU WILL! And you begin to make these very big judgements about yourself, all based on "how you did" that day and suddenly your self-worth is tied up with whether or not you were able to make permanent change. 

Here's the thing- who you are on December 31 is the same YOU on January 3, whether or not you've managed to keep your resolultions (whatever that means for you). Are you compassionate with yourself and your progress, seeing the bigger picture? Do you recognize your innate beauty and character first, seeing your daily challenges as part of your journey? 

You know yourself and your needs best; if setting goals that are very black and white (i.e., I ran 30 minutes today or I didn't run 30 minutes today), then do what works for you. Perhaps reframing your goals in terms of why (i.e., I want to exercise my body so I have more energy) will help you keep focus on what you're doing to meet those goals (i.e., I didn't run 30 minutes, but I played with my child at the park and walked around the museum for an hour). 

You might also be kind to yourself when you have a week filled with sickness, snow days, and work deadlines. That doesn't mean that you have to "give up" but you might show yourself the same understanding as you would a friend. 

One thing I like to do in my family is reframe our resolutions; instead of thinking about the clichéd goals that are set year after year, we think about what it is we want to learn, do, or experience. One year my resolution was baking and decorating a multi-layered cake. This year my resolution is to go camping at least 6 times. 

Be kind with yourself, see the big picture and have fun with your resolutions! May your journey through 2017 be one filled with compassion and curiousity. Peace!