There comes a point in an expectant client's pregnancy where I begin nesting.  I start to put aside what I may need, should I receive a phone call in the middle of the night: comfortable clothing and shoes, my doula bag, food, drink, cell phone and charger, breast pump, and on. There have been times where I'm quite thankful to have been prepared, as it was helpful for me to have arrived sooner at her home, than later. 

I make arrangements with friends to care for Everett, I talk with my older children about the possibility of change in their routine, and I look ahead to what might need to be rearranged in my calendar. It's really an exciting time, even though my preparations may not be necessary for days or even weeks. 

I find that if I can settle into bed feeling like I have everything set, should I receive a phone call that night, that I sleep much better. I can fall asleep more quickly, and my sleep is more restful. 

With that said, if I treated each night's sleep as if it's going to be THE NIGHT, then it may feel like a very long waiting game. So instead, I make my preparations, and then I try to LET GO. I try to let go of that anticipation of, "will my client go into labor!?!", because I know that the more pressure I put that tonight may be THE NIGHT, then my energy is being put to use on something that doesn't need that level of energy. 

I remind myself that even knowing a client is three centimeters dilated at her last appointment, I still don't have any idea when her labor will start. Even if I've talked with her earlier in the day, and she's been feeling some cramps throughout the morning, that still doesn't mean she will be calling me later because her labor has intensified or she's requesting my support. 

So in order to really rest and be prepared for when I do receive a call, all I can do is prepare what I can and then LET GO of the questions that I don't have answers for. 

I encourage the families with whom I work to take a similar approach to their last weeks of pregnancy. When each night becomes WILL LABOR BEGIN TONIGHT? then it's bound to feel like a lengthy last few weeks. 

And before you try to tell me how hard it is to not know when labor will begin or that the last few weeks of pregnancy can be uncomfortable and exhausting in their own way, let me tell you: I GET IT! I totally understand feeling ready to go into labor, wondering when in the world my labor would begin, hoping that contractions would begin already! And it's really okay to feel how you feel, honestly. But if you're able to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that you can either stress yourself out with something you really can't control and feel even more exhausted OR you can remind yourself that letting go of those unanswered questions (when will I begin labor, how long will it last, etc.) can give you the space to prepare for your baby more peacefully. 

Almost six years ago, I was given this print as a gift from one of the first families that invited me to be part of their birth team. It is such a beloved gift, something that reminds me of a time in my life that felt so full of possibility. 

I wanted more than anything to work as a birth doula. I had no idea how that was going to happen, actually. I felt under pressure to submit my materials for certification, and I was mothering two small children. I didn't know many people in Bloomington, and in fact, I was very lonely for a community of women. 

I was so fortunate to have families choose me to join them in labor; I certainly didn't have any more experience than any of the practicing doulas. I did, however, have a profound respect for the birthing process and a strong interest in learning more. 

The families with whom I worked taught me how to listen and support. I am so thankful for this. 

This print reminds me of these sweet babies, now almost six year olds. It also reminds me of my growth as a birth doula. I am reminded that there is always room to learn and improve. There's a beauty in admitting that. 

When your baby is born, he will expect to be held. He will expect to be close to you or someone else that loves him very much. He will expect to be tended to, his needs met. He will show hunger cues, to which he will expect to be fed. You will notice your baby relaxing in your arms as he settles in, nourished and comforted. 

In the early days, when it feels like all you're doing is feeding, changing, and soothing (among other baby-related tasks). keep in mind that you and your baby are both learning. You're also not only healing from birth, but you're producing nourishing milk, and your hormones are shifting as you settle into your non-pregnant, lactating body. Throw on top of that lack of continuous sleep and it's no wonder the first few days (weeks, months) are all a blur. 

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to those with whom you live. Everyone is learning. Everyone is adjusting.

I like to encourage you to create a comfortable, peaceful environment as you approach your due date so that once your baby is born, you will find your space to be conducive to healing, growing and learning. You don't want to put it off for once your baby is here, as you may not feel like tending to those details. 

You may want to:

• set aside clean bedding that someone can put on your bed for once your baby is born. Settling into a comfortable, clean bed can feel so nice. 
• invest in body washes or soaps that you will want to use if you bring your baby in the bath with you; something without dyes or perfumes may be better for baby's sensitive skin. 
• buy snacks and drinks that are yummy, healthy, and nourishing; you will want to have plenty of food and drinks on hand so that you aren't searching for something to eat when you're hungry. Some women say their appetite ramps up while they're breastfeeding, so be prepared that you may find yourself eating more than you were expecting.
• prepare a comfortable place in your home where you can sit, nurse your baby and rest; I enjoyed setting up a station on the couch with a baby seat nearby where I could lay my sleeping baby. I kept my phone, charger and plenty of snacks and a water bottle nearby. Don't forget to turn your ringer off when you're resting! 
• decide where and how you're going to document your baby's first few days (weeks, months); keeping a journal nearby where you can jot down a few sentences or keep a calendar nearby where you can jot down milestones or something you want to remember from the day. Once a month, I like adding my favorite pictures directly into a photo book online where I add text to document the month's happenings; at the end of the year I order it and we have all our favorite pictures in one place. 
• keep non-essential baby gear out of the way; while you may have lots of baby gear and toys for your baby to use in the future, it may feel cluttered to have it all sitting around for months at a time before your baby is big enough to use it. The same goes for clothing and shoes that are too large. 
• make a plan at the beginning of the day (or week) for how you're going to meet your various needs: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Taking care of your whole self can help you function, particularly when you're feeling sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. 

There's no one right way to plan for your postpartum and your baby's early months, but it usually helps to do some prep work before he is born. Only you know what you may need and what brings you comfort and reassurance. 

I love coffee. 

I love the way it tastes and how it warms me. I love the ritual of picking my mug, pouring my half and half, and adding the hot coffee to the mug. I love that first sip. 

Coffee brings me so much comfort when I'm stressed out. It actually helps me get into a space where I can focus and settle in on whatever needs my attention. If I'm wanting self-care and I don't have much time or a lot of money to spend on a great meal or massage therapy appointment, I grab a cup of coffee. Buying this delicious drink actually recharges me (and I'm not talking caffeine-charge here!) and gives me some inner peace as I move about my day. 

When I was pregnant, I lost my ability to drink several cups of coffee a day. Instead of pounding through my 16 oz. cup of Panera hazelnut coffee (once my go-to drink, which has now been replaced with Elm Height's BloomingFoods Americano beverage), I'd let it sit on my desk when I was teaching full-time. At 2:30pm, I'd pick up the cup to realize I still had more than half the cup remaining! It wasn't that I was consciously abstaining; it was really that I just couldn't stomach it and it didn't appeal to me as it had prenatally.

Luckily, now that I'm not pregnant, I have been able to resume my coffee habit. 

I share this because I know everyone has her own comfort items or habits. Maybe you love tea or the scent of your favorite body wash. Maybe you head outside for a run when you're stressed, or perhaps you snuggle in to your most loved blanket with your favorite book. 

I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to really surround yourself with comfort items when you're preparing for birth. You may find your preferences change, and what brought you comfort then does nothing for you now. But I encourage you to find what does bring you comfort and keep it on hand for when you're feeling stressed, worried or anxious. 

Do what brings you joy, relaxation or reassurance, and I promise you, you will not be sorry! 

When you count on others around you to take away your worries or ease your discomfort, you may find that you're setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. Maybe you're counting on your sister to guide you through your contractions, solely because she had a baby last year. Or maybe you are expecting to get immediate pain relief through medication so you don't need to experience the pain of contractions. You might have to consider that your sister won't have all the answers or maybe she's not able to join you in labor as you had expected. Maybe your labor is going so quickly that pain medication is not an option. 

Setting yourself up for a positive birth experience means taking ownership over what you can do during labor and birth. You can't change the length or strenghth of the contractions, but you can be in charge of how you move your body, how you respond to the contraction buildling in your lower belly, and whether you're welcoming the labor or trying to escape it. 

This is not to say that you can make your labor pain-free, but you can help it to feel more manageable. 

Find what brings you comfort, and use it. 

*This post was taken from a variety of personal experiences as a birth doula and also a mix of conversations had with other birth doulas. While some details may seem particular, this is not an account of any specific birth or family.

I’m so tired.

No, I’m not singing the Beatles’ tune, but rather reflecting on how I feel after having been awake with a birthing mother throughout the night and early morning.

Of course, when a doula is tired, she generally can go home and rest, whereas the new family is discovering their new roles and learning about the newest member. Newly postpartum mama is feeling her deflated tummy, empty of baby, soft and squishy. She walks gently to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and for the first time sees herself as mama. Papa hold his daughter, uncurling her fingers only to feel them wrap tightly around his finger; her world is her family, all she needs. New parents, feeling hyped up on those emotions that surround birth, smell their newborn’s neck, inhaling this sweetness that only resides on a new baby’s skin. The tiniest whimpers and loudest of cries makes the new parents reply with care, concern, love. And each and every time this sweet baby cries out, her needs are met instantly.

While this is happening, the learning and exploring, the doula is home. Perhaps she has to tend to her other roles, or maybe she’s tucked into her own bed. Depending on the length of labor support and the circumstances, the doula may be completely ready to jump into her agenda or previously scheduled commitments. Many times, however, it feels good for the doula to transition from the energy of labor and birth to her own space in the world with her own comfort measures (and you thought comfort measures were only for laboring women!).

This may include special rituals that ease the doula back into her own space in the world. Showers and baths can feel nice, bringing warmth, soothing scents and a chance to be washed clean, both literally and emotionally. Whether it was a straightforward birth with no complications or a birth that was dictated by the health of the mother or baby, the doula is certainly holding onto the range of emotions that happen within the birthing setting. Letting the water run over her skin can help a doula release the energy she’s been holding. Emerging from the warm water, the doula changes from the clothing she’s been wearing (perhaps for over the past 24 hours) into clean, comfortable clothing. She may crawl into bed, pulling the covers over her and fall quickly into a deep sleep. Upon waking, she manages to eat something, filling her belly more slowly than perhaps her rushed snacks throughout the time she’s been offering labor support.

Throughout the hours after the birth, it’s common for the doula to check in with the new parents, unless something else has been arranged. This may be a quick text or call, and sometimes a doula will stop back in to check on her clients later in the day. By this point, maybe the larger birth teams (grandparents-to-be, sisters, best friends) have returned their own homes or perhaps the clients that kept the birth setting intimate are now introducing their new daughter to their loved ones. Regardless, the doula is now entering into the new parents’ space in a different way; her role is not of labor support but instead postpartum support, celebration, and just being present to whatever is happening. This may include sharing laughter, tears, reflecting on the birth or simply gushing over how amazing and beautiful the new baby is.

Emotionally, there’s a wide range of normal for doulas after the birth is finished. There’s certainly this feeling of joy for the new parents, as their labor and birth story has wrapped, their story of parenting is just beginning. But sometimes she finds her role so quickly (and, of course, inevitably) changes once their baby is born. Of course the birth doula supports breastfeeding and acknowledges the new baby’s feeding cues and abilities, but her role is not to stay long past the birth (this varies from doula to doula, but staying up to a couple hours after the birth is typical). The doula holds the feelings for the family, whether it be elation or some feeling of loss over something that wasn’t expected, in addition to her own emotions surrounding the birth. And of course, birth doulas undoubtedly have their own stressors which may come into play as she’s reflecting on the birth. But when the doula surrounds herself with support and revisits her defined role as “birth doula”, she can let go of what was out of anyone’s control and find beauty in this sweet new baby’s birth story.

Being called to provide birth support is something most birth doulas don’t take lightly. It’s an intimate and special moment for an expectant family, and birth doulas are very aware of this. Taking a deep breath, releasing her own “stuff” and bringing light and love into the birth setting is something doulas learn. She may be invited to join a birth team that is comprised only of the parents-to-be, midwife (or doctor) and midwife’s assistant (or nurse). This team of three or four people works together, supporting the laboring mother and partner as they near closer to their baby’s birth. The birth doula has spent time in her training, continuing education and personal growth in order to provide the best support to this growing family. It’s an exhausting, (physically, emotionally, and mentally) profession, but it’s also very gratifying and inspiring work.

Watching a laboring couple work together in the throes of labor may remind a doula of her connection to her own partner. Seeing the awe in the new mother’s eyes as she sees her child for the first time may spark that deep love for her own child. Observing the joy in the faces of new grandparents and hearing them express their pride and elation over this new baby brings to mind the loved ones in the doula’s life.

Birth doulas may feel tired after the birth, but they also feel extreme love and amazement and happiness for the new family. And they feel honored and grateful for having been invited to be part of this new family’s birth.

Having worked with many laboring women, I have had the opportunity to witness a variety of laboring and birthing styles. 

I'm often asked during interviews, "what are some things you do to help a woman that is in labor?", and my answer is essentially the same: it depends. It depends on a variety of things, really, because not every woman needs the same type of support. Some laboring mothers really need hands-on support; perhaps her back is aching with every contraction and she needs counter- pressure to help cope through her contractions. Sometimes a laboring woman simply wants an experienced support person who can reassure her or simply be present. And sometimes a laboring mother and her partner want someone who can remind them of their preferences during their birthing experiences. I watch and listen to a laboring mother and respond to those words and body language. 


The things I do to support a laboring woman may not sound profound, and it may not even seem like you need to hire another person to do those things. But in talking with my previous clients and other families that have also worked with birth doulas, I'm repeatedly told how helpful it was to have a doula present. 

So what do I do? 

• provide hands-on support: massage, gentle touch, counter-pressure to her back or hips
• attend to her physical needs by providing items to bring comfort: warm blanket, cool compress, fan, rocking chair, extra pillows, a cold drink, snack, lip balm, hair elastic band, clean bed linen, socks, clean gown or underpants
• answering questions and providing information: reassurance about current stage of labor, reminder to ask questions (when applicable) to care provider (midwife, nurse, doctor), information about common interventions, suggestions re: laboring positions and movements which may facilitate the birthing process
• emotional support: positive statements concerning how mom is working through the stages of labor, emotional reassurance if medical interventions become necessary, support and loving presence if a laboring mother changes her preferences during the birthing process

I also tend to the needs of a laboring woman's partner or other support person. Often times the partner and I work together to provide support to the laboring mother; I might bring a fresh cool compress to her partner so he can remain bedside holding the cold cloth to the mother's head. I might provide back massage while the partner is able to maintain eye contact with the laboring mother, helping her through the contraction. I remind the birth partner to stay hydrated and nourished. I might provide counter- pressure to a woman's lower back while her partner slow dances with her, supporting her need for rhythmic movement. Sometimes labor lasts longer than the partner is anticipating and my presence allows her to take a quick break, knowing that that I will contact her if the laboring mother needs anything or if anything advances in labor during her absence. 

Essentially, my role is anticipate and respond. When I accompany a laboring woman and her partner to the hospital to be admitted, right away I begin setting the room in a way that may provide comfort and relaxation. I make sure there are plenty of pillows, drinks for the mother and her partner, and assist the mother change into a gown or whatever she chooses to wear in labor (sometimes it's a reminder to the mother that she wanted to avoid wearing a hospital gown, which she may be suggested to wear, simply part of the routine admittance process). If the mother wanted to have certain tools available, I remember to ask for these items (birth ball, peanut, squat bar, etc). I can handle the physical environment while her partner may be supporting her emotional needs, as she is admitted to the hospital system. And of course, if the mother doesn't have another support person present, then my role is usually even more essential. 

Part of laboring is getting out of the "thinking" part of the brain and moving into the "being" part, so my role as birth doula means anticipating what a laboring woman needs. Is she licking her lips, because they are dry from breathing heavily with each contraction? Is she moving her mouth and tongue in a way that shows she's thirsty? Is she struggling to get into a hands and knees position with each contraction? I am there to help before she even has to ask, and she may not even be able to verbalize her needs because of the intensity of labor. And often times, a partner learns to anticipate the laboring mother's needs, but it can be challenging or possibly overwhelming as labor intensifies because the partner is not only having to respond to the laboring mother's needs, but the partner also has his/her own needs. The partner may be worried about the intensity (is this labor normal?), wondering what s/he can do to support the laboring woman (I feel helpless, or I don't remember what to do), or the partner may simply need an extra pair of hands so s/he can remain with the laboring mother at all times (I can't reach her water or I don't know where to quickly find a new pillowcase). 

As a birth doula, I see my role as being secondary to the partner. I want the partner and laboring mother to look back at their baby's birth and see it as an intimate and special experience. I support that and I like to slip into the background, as each experience dictates. I like to think that I can set the stage and provide the necessary support while helping keep the experience between the mother and her partner. Sometimes I am very much part of the laboring process, and it is "the three of us" type of feeling. And that's okay! But I don't ever want to have a partner feel like I'm replacing him or that she is not needed to support the laboring mother. 

So what do I do to support a laboring mother and her partner? Basically, anything! And also, it depends on what she is needing. 

~Amy

I had never heard of a birth doula when I was eighteen, the age when I started really considering which major I'd declare, which classes to register for, my career path. I considered political science, nursing, teaching, but had not really considered going into work that would support pregnant women, their families and the community at large. 

I graduated with a degree in education and taught for five years in the public schools. I considered teaching to be the career I'd retire from, supporting students with a variety of needs. I loved all aspects of teaching, and though I thought I'd probably take a step away while my children were young, I saw a future of denim jumpers, apple decorations, and bulletin boards. 

It wasn't until my daughter was born that I explored birth work; I considered midwifery but decided I didn't want to put myself in that medical role, even if most of my work might be straightforward. I loved the energy that happens in labor and birth, and discovered the role of a birth doula. I purchased my packet from DONA International, essentially the forms that would need to be filled out and returned when I was ready to submit my application for certification. After the fact, I realized I didn't actually need to purchase the packet until I was ready to begin attending births. For me, that time didn't even arrive until late 2008, but I think having the deadline for certification actually motivated me to complete my certification. 

I spent my time reading books, websites, articles. I daydreamed about labor and birth, the excitement of seeing a baby being born. I attended my workshop in January 2008, around seven months pregnant with my older son. I sat in a room full of women, and we all were so eager and excited to move forward in our journeys. I was so excited to attend a birth, and that opportunity happened in late 2008, when I was hired for two clients' births. 2009 brought a handful of births, early in the year, and I was able to submit for certification by the deadline. I was so grateful to the families that welcomed me, an inexperienced birth doula, into their journey to meeting their sweet, new baby.  

It's been over five years since I worked with my first family. I think about these children, no longer babies, and I wonder how they've grown. I think about how my perspective has changed in regard to medical intervention and the choices we make as parents. I wonder if the families with whom I've worked realize how important they've been to me, and I'm so curious to see where my journey takes me.