I'm amazed how taking care of one's needs can be considered selfish. I came across a blog post listing 25 things moms need to do for themselves. Sounds good, right? And it wasn't all that off, really, in what I would recommend. However, in the piece, it states "It's hard to drown out the little voice, but we're here to tell that it's OK to be selfish. It's OK to do things for yourself." Yes, it's okay to do things for yourself, but is that considered selfish? The definition of selfish is "lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure." 

So, what's up with that? How can we be encouraged to take time for our own needs while also calling it selfish? Lacking consideration for others? When I'm taking time for things I enjoy and time for self-renewal, I'm actually very much considering my children's needs. I know that in order for them to have a happy and healthy mom, I need to care for myself just as I care for their needs (and teach them to care for their needs, too!).  And the sheer nature of calling caring for our own needs "selfish" just feels wrong. It makes me almost not want to tend to the pieces of my being that need attention. 

Part of my job as mother means that I want to help my children be prepared to live fulfilling lives. I want them to learn how to care for their emotional health so they can cope well with challenges. I want my children to recognize when they need to reach out and ask for help. I want my children to understand there are resources and people in the world who will help them to be successful and happy and well. And in order to teach these lessons, I need to walk the walk. I need to show them that the world doesn't stop because I'm tending to my emotional needs and mental health. I can take a break from what I'm doing and the world will keep on turning. 

Taking time for yourself doesn't have to happen infrequently, such as receiving a gifted massage on your birthday or taking an afternoon to hang with your girlfriends once every few months. Taking time should happen as often as you need to replenish your cup. And just as with food, if you're noticing that you're hungry soon after your meal, examine what you've eaten and if that's enough to sustain you. If your meal is a candy bar and soda, then you're going to find that you're hungry again soon after and will spend more time and maybe money refueling your body. Whereas if you had just eaten a healthy meal with lots of color and protein, you may find that you're able to tend to the tasks at hand more easily. If your idea of replenishing is staying up late to watch a movie but the next day you're dragging due to lack of sleep, maybe this isn't the best way to always reboot. Or if taking care of your needs is drinking more than your body can handle, you probably won't feel refreshed the next day. I'm not suggesting you should NEVER stay up late or throw back some drinks. But if this is your "me time", then maybe you should integrate in other ways to meet your needs. 

Heading into nature is one of the simplest ways to nourish yourself. It can be as simple as sitting on your porch and noticing the trees around you. It can be going to the nearest hiking trails and walking in the woods for an hour. Sitting and being still and silent can also feel good. Notice your breathing, where your thoughts are going. Quiet any of the stress that comes your way when you start thinking of everything you could be doing instead. And just sit and be. This doesn't need to last hours or even minutes. Taking just ten to twenty seconds can give you that time to take some deep breaths deep into your belly and out again. 

And lastly, think about what you'd suggest to your dearest friend if she told you that she was tired, overworked, stressed, too busy, etc. Then turn that around and gift yourself those same suggestions. Take a moment to really love and tend to your emotional needs and see how much better you are at coping with your daily stressors.  

When your baby is born, he will expect to be held. He will expect to be close to you or someone else that loves him very much. He will expect to be tended to, his needs met. He will show hunger cues, to which he will expect to be fed. You will notice your baby relaxing in your arms as he settles in, nourished and comforted. 

In the early days, when it feels like all you're doing is feeding, changing, and soothing (among other baby-related tasks). keep in mind that you and your baby are both learning. You're also not only healing from birth, but you're producing nourishing milk, and your hormones are shifting as you settle into your non-pregnant, lactating body. Throw on top of that lack of continuous sleep and it's no wonder the first few days (weeks, months) are all a blur. 

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to those with whom you live. Everyone is learning. Everyone is adjusting.

I like to encourage you to create a comfortable, peaceful environment as you approach your due date so that once your baby is born, you will find your space to be conducive to healing, growing and learning. You don't want to put it off for once your baby is here, as you may not feel like tending to those details. 

You may want to:

• set aside clean bedding that someone can put on your bed for once your baby is born. Settling into a comfortable, clean bed can feel so nice. 
• invest in body washes or soaps that you will want to use if you bring your baby in the bath with you; something without dyes or perfumes may be better for baby's sensitive skin. 
• buy snacks and drinks that are yummy, healthy, and nourishing; you will want to have plenty of food and drinks on hand so that you aren't searching for something to eat when you're hungry. Some women say their appetite ramps up while they're breastfeeding, so be prepared that you may find yourself eating more than you were expecting.
• prepare a comfortable place in your home where you can sit, nurse your baby and rest; I enjoyed setting up a station on the couch with a baby seat nearby where I could lay my sleeping baby. I kept my phone, charger and plenty of snacks and a water bottle nearby. Don't forget to turn your ringer off when you're resting! 
• decide where and how you're going to document your baby's first few days (weeks, months); keeping a journal nearby where you can jot down a few sentences or keep a calendar nearby where you can jot down milestones or something you want to remember from the day. Once a month, I like adding my favorite pictures directly into a photo book online where I add text to document the month's happenings; at the end of the year I order it and we have all our favorite pictures in one place. 
• keep non-essential baby gear out of the way; while you may have lots of baby gear and toys for your baby to use in the future, it may feel cluttered to have it all sitting around for months at a time before your baby is big enough to use it. The same goes for clothing and shoes that are too large. 
• make a plan at the beginning of the day (or week) for how you're going to meet your various needs: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Taking care of your whole self can help you function, particularly when you're feeling sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. 

There's no one right way to plan for your postpartum and your baby's early months, but it usually helps to do some prep work before he is born. Only you know what you may need and what brings you comfort and reassurance. 

We celebrated my daughter's first birthday in August 2007. I used a babyfood cookbook for ideas and guidance in feeding her solids, and in the book was a recipe for a raspberry cake. 

No joking, I was as excited for her first birthday party as I was for my wedding day. For me, it was a celebration of not only my daughter's first year, but it felt like such a HUGE milestone for me as her mother. 

We had lived in Vermont her first year, away from family, and this was really the first time that our entire family and good friends would be in one space to celebrate her existence. 

I don't recall if Pinterest existed at that point, but I really didn't fix my sight on anything elaborate, except for this cake. 

This cake. 

It was entirely from scratch. I whipped the cream and spent a couple hours preparing this cake. 

How did I feel that day, hosting over forty people at my in-law's home, creating a cake from scratch and did I mention, very NEWLY pregnant? 

I felt stressed out, tired and anxious. I begged someone to just watch Avery and take care of her while I prepared for the party. I honestly can't remember much of the party, besides that cake. 

And that's what makes me feel sad to this day. That fleeting moment, when we celebrated my daughter's first year, I only remember the cake. I don't recall much of my daughter's silliness, and I don't remember taking time to really connect with her and tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to be her mom. 

Instead, I remember that cake and the stress in preparing for the party. 

Since then, I've made the mistake one other time in hosting a large party and getting overwhelmed with the details. But I've really tried to be in the moment, enjoying my guests and my family during subsequent parties. I've put less pressure on the party and more emphasis on my child. 

While I still visit Pinterest, I honestly have no drive or desire to create our parties from scratch or to consume my energy with the small details. Perhaps if it brought me more joy or if it wasn't as stressful, I would tend to the details. But for now, while I'm parenting three young children and some days trying to keep my head above water, I'm just doing what I can do be in the moment.