There comes a point in an expectant client's pregnancy where I begin nesting.  I start to put aside what I may need, should I receive a phone call in the middle of the night: comfortable clothing and shoes, my doula bag, food, drink, cell phone and charger, breast pump, and on. There have been times where I'm quite thankful to have been prepared, as it was helpful for me to have arrived sooner at her home, than later. 

I make arrangements with friends to care for Everett, I talk with my older children about the possibility of change in their routine, and I look ahead to what might need to be rearranged in my calendar. It's really an exciting time, even though my preparations may not be necessary for days or even weeks. 

I find that if I can settle into bed feeling like I have everything set, should I receive a phone call that night, that I sleep much better. I can fall asleep more quickly, and my sleep is more restful. 

With that said, if I treated each night's sleep as if it's going to be THE NIGHT, then it may feel like a very long waiting game. So instead, I make my preparations, and then I try to LET GO. I try to let go of that anticipation of, "will my client go into labor!?!", because I know that the more pressure I put that tonight may be THE NIGHT, then my energy is being put to use on something that doesn't need that level of energy. 

I remind myself that even knowing a client is three centimeters dilated at her last appointment, I still don't have any idea when her labor will start. Even if I've talked with her earlier in the day, and she's been feeling some cramps throughout the morning, that still doesn't mean she will be calling me later because her labor has intensified or she's requesting my support. 

So in order to really rest and be prepared for when I do receive a call, all I can do is prepare what I can and then LET GO of the questions that I don't have answers for. 

I encourage the families with whom I work to take a similar approach to their last weeks of pregnancy. When each night becomes WILL LABOR BEGIN TONIGHT? then it's bound to feel like a lengthy last few weeks. 

And before you try to tell me how hard it is to not know when labor will begin or that the last few weeks of pregnancy can be uncomfortable and exhausting in their own way, let me tell you: I GET IT! I totally understand feeling ready to go into labor, wondering when in the world my labor would begin, hoping that contractions would begin already! And it's really okay to feel how you feel, honestly. But if you're able to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that you can either stress yourself out with something you really can't control and feel even more exhausted OR you can remind yourself that letting go of those unanswered questions (when will I begin labor, how long will it last, etc.) can give you the space to prepare for your baby more peacefully. 

I love coffee. 

I love the way it tastes and how it warms me. I love the ritual of picking my mug, pouring my half and half, and adding the hot coffee to the mug. I love that first sip. 

Coffee brings me so much comfort when I'm stressed out. It actually helps me get into a space where I can focus and settle in on whatever needs my attention. If I'm wanting self-care and I don't have much time or a lot of money to spend on a great meal or massage therapy appointment, I grab a cup of coffee. Buying this delicious drink actually recharges me (and I'm not talking caffeine-charge here!) and gives me some inner peace as I move about my day. 

When I was pregnant, I lost my ability to drink several cups of coffee a day. Instead of pounding through my 16 oz. cup of Panera hazelnut coffee (once my go-to drink, which has now been replaced with Elm Height's BloomingFoods Americano beverage), I'd let it sit on my desk when I was teaching full-time. At 2:30pm, I'd pick up the cup to realize I still had more than half the cup remaining! It wasn't that I was consciously abstaining; it was really that I just couldn't stomach it and it didn't appeal to me as it had prenatally.

Luckily, now that I'm not pregnant, I have been able to resume my coffee habit. 

I share this because I know everyone has her own comfort items or habits. Maybe you love tea or the scent of your favorite body wash. Maybe you head outside for a run when you're stressed, or perhaps you snuggle in to your most loved blanket with your favorite book. 

I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to really surround yourself with comfort items when you're preparing for birth. You may find your preferences change, and what brought you comfort then does nothing for you now. But I encourage you to find what does bring you comfort and keep it on hand for when you're feeling stressed, worried or anxious. 

Do what brings you joy, relaxation or reassurance, and I promise you, you will not be sorry! 

When you count on others around you to take away your worries or ease your discomfort, you may find that you're setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. Maybe you're counting on your sister to guide you through your contractions, solely because she had a baby last year. Or maybe you are expecting to get immediate pain relief through medication so you don't need to experience the pain of contractions. You might have to consider that your sister won't have all the answers or maybe she's not able to join you in labor as you had expected. Maybe your labor is going so quickly that pain medication is not an option. 

Setting yourself up for a positive birth experience means taking ownership over what you can do during labor and birth. You can't change the length or strenghth of the contractions, but you can be in charge of how you move your body, how you respond to the contraction buildling in your lower belly, and whether you're welcoming the labor or trying to escape it. 

This is not to say that you can make your labor pain-free, but you can help it to feel more manageable. 

Find what brings you comfort, and use it. 

Waiting.

It seems as if so much surrounding children involves waiting. And it usually begins with those first thoughts, "I'd love to have a baby." In the beginning, you may be waiting to ovulate or to see if your period comes. You may be waiting to take that pregnancy test or schedule that appointment to see your doctor. And then when you become pregnant, that first piece of waiting is over. 

But now, you may be waiting to tell your parents or your coworkers or your Facebook friends. And then you may be waiting to find out test, lab or ultrasound results. Perhaps you're waiting until you can find out the sex of the baby or maybe you're just waiting until the birth date for that one. You're waiting for your belly to round or you're waiting for those kicks. You're waiting to feel better and less tired or you're waiting to indulge in your favorite foods (sushi, soft cheeses) until after delivery, per What to Expect While Expecting. 

During your pregnancy, you can't imagine wanting to give birth any sooner than your due date, but as you get further in your pregnancy, you start to feel more ready and excited and anxious than ever before. You find yourself at 35 weeks thinking about your due date, only a month or so away. And as it creeps closer, your belly grows and you start to feel more uncomfortable, more ready to meet this baby. At 37 weeks, you start announcing to everyone that your baby is full-term now, and that he can be born whenever he likes! And you start thinking, any day...any day! You reach 38 weeks, certain that you won't have to wait much longer...will tonight be the night I go into labor? 39 weeks arrives and you're positive that there's no way whatsoever that you will still be pregnant and make that OB appointment next week. Your due date is here (yeah!) and you're STILL PREGNANT. You're certain this baby will be born sometime in the next 18 hours, and every hour that passes you start to realize your baby will be not born today and you will in fact be pregnant again tomorrow. You schedule an appointment for 41 weeks, hoping, praying, begging your body to still not be pregnant at that point. You have been waiting, waiting, WAITING to go into labor and you had no anticipation of making it to 41 weeks, let alone a whole new month you're now in! You were supposed to have a February baby, not a March baby! So you're at 41 weeks, scheduling additional tests to monitor baby, and you leave the appointment feeling like you're never going to give birth. You're the one woman that will remain pregnant forever. 

You go to bed, settled on the fact that you will give birth to a four year old and that's just how it'll be. Or maybe you'll just go ahead and schedule that induction for a few days from now, as your body clearly can't do its job. 

Only...you wake up at 3am feeling something you haven't felt before. It's kind of this crampy, uncomfortable feeling that makes you pay attention. It's short lived, your uterus softens and you glance at the clock. Okay, that was weird, you think. You close your eyes, only to feel this crampy tightening again, 10 minutes later. Hmmm... I might as well get up and use the toilet since I'm already awake. You make your way into the bathroom, and when you wipe, you notice the toilet paper is gooey. As you're walking back into your room, you feel another tightening, this time making you stop and pause. And then it hits you...the waiting is over! This is it! This is the beginning of your journey in meeting your baby. 

You spent the rest of labor, working through contractions, but essentially waiting for labor to intensify, and once it does, you're waiting for the time to begin pushing. Once you start pushing, you're waiting for that final push that brings your baby into your arms. And then...it happens! Your baby is here. The waiting is over!!! Or is it? 

You'll find yourself waiting for lots of changes and developmental milestones to be reached. And if you allow it, you'll find yourself spending much of your time waiting for the next stage to happen. 

But I encourage you to slow down, notice where your emotions and thoughts are now, and steady them so that you stay in the moment. This is not to say you have to enjoy every step along the way and just be happy... no. I'm just suggesting that if you spend your energy waiting for the next moment, you're going to lose out on what is happening RIGHT NOW. 

Your baby will be born. Your baby will sleep for longer stretches. Your toddler will start talking. 

Take the time, now, to just be where you are in whatever stage of parenthood you happen to be. And notice how peaceful it can be to just be there, rather than always feeling like you're waiting for something else.