Becoming a parent means making decisions for your child when they are too young to do so themselves. Some of these may not impact the child greatly while others carry more risk or responsibility in the decision. 

Sometimes the decision we make as parents of young children in 2014 were not even a choice back when we were born or growing up. Or maybe current research points to alternatives to what we experienced as children. There may also be "hot button" issues for new parents, choices that feel big and critical and not worth compromising. These issues may not have existed for the new grandparents, or if they did, the grandparents chose differently. 

Trying to explain why you're insisting your child doesn't eat solid foods until 6 months or your preference for more natural skin-care products, for example, can be met with resistance. Perhaps your parents don't understand how you came to that decision, or they may not be familiar with the current recommendations. Maybe your parents consciously chose differently than you, and now anything other than the way you were raised feels confrontational or as if you're saying they made the wrong choices. To which you will probably hear, "but you turned out fine!". And you may agree you turned out fine, or you may feel that fine is fine but you want better than fine. Or, maybe you have health issues that may not have occurred had your parents chosen differently with any of the decisions they were faced. Regardless, it's bound to feel uncomfortable for either or both parties involved, and there may be some unnecessary stress during a time when you're trying to figure out this whole parenting gig. 

I don't have all the answers, by any means, but here are some ideas for handling "but you turned out fine!" statements. 

• Choose your battles, New Parent. Yes, I believe that it feels ultra important that you make every decision about your child, regardless of importance of outcome. But to parent in community and with loved ones means you can lean on others for support. You may not have to make every decision by yourself, and while that may feel scary for you in the beginning, it's going to set you up for feeling well supported as your child grows. That's not to say you have to compromise on the issues that are mega-important, because you don't. There are going to be big issues that you just won't change your mind. And that's okay. But if every decision has the same value, then you may feel overburdened and overwhelmed by having to oversee that anyone caring for your child cares for him the exact same way as you, making the same decisions as you. 
• State your preferences, state your no-compromise issues. If your child is going to be cared by another, be clear about what it is you will not compromise. Correct carseat use every time? Yes, definitely. Nap time at exactly 1:30pm? There's some wriggle room there to allow for your child's day and mood. And don't feel like you need to apologize for your no-compromise issues. State that research supports your choice or point to your pediatrician as the expert who also supports your choice. Or simply say this is your decision and you're standing by it. Also, I suspect that if you leave some room for your care provider and/or your child to be part of the decision making process on some of the issues that may not truly be all that critical, you will get less resentment or kick-back on your no-compromise issues. 
• Put yourself in their shoes. Just as we wouldn't dare imagine our precious little ones someday scolding us that we didn't make the right choices or rolling their eyes at us that we would even think of... think about how you're communicating with your parents about the issues that are important to you. I think everyone can agree a great many kids have grown into healthy and happy adults, in spite of how they were raised. But talking to your parents as if they know absolutely nothing about child-rearing may not help the matter or your relationship. If your parents made choices that truly did put you in danger, and you know they will make the same choice with their grandchild, then that needs to be addressed. But again, part of parenting in community means trusting and leaning on others for support. Some of that means letting go of micromanaging the smaller details. 

Take that deep breath, let it go and learn to state confidently the issues that matter most to you. The rest? You can decide when and how to let others help you in caring for your child, even if it's not the exact same care as you'd provide. 

When your baby is born, he will expect to be held. He will expect to be close to you or someone else that loves him very much. He will expect to be tended to, his needs met. He will show hunger cues, to which he will expect to be fed. You will notice your baby relaxing in your arms as he settles in, nourished and comforted. 

In the early days, when it feels like all you're doing is feeding, changing, and soothing (among other baby-related tasks). keep in mind that you and your baby are both learning. You're also not only healing from birth, but you're producing nourishing milk, and your hormones are shifting as you settle into your non-pregnant, lactating body. Throw on top of that lack of continuous sleep and it's no wonder the first few days (weeks, months) are all a blur. 

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to those with whom you live. Everyone is learning. Everyone is adjusting.

I like to encourage you to create a comfortable, peaceful environment as you approach your due date so that once your baby is born, you will find your space to be conducive to healing, growing and learning. You don't want to put it off for once your baby is here, as you may not feel like tending to those details. 

You may want to:

• set aside clean bedding that someone can put on your bed for once your baby is born. Settling into a comfortable, clean bed can feel so nice. 
• invest in body washes or soaps that you will want to use if you bring your baby in the bath with you; something without dyes or perfumes may be better for baby's sensitive skin. 
• buy snacks and drinks that are yummy, healthy, and nourishing; you will want to have plenty of food and drinks on hand so that you aren't searching for something to eat when you're hungry. Some women say their appetite ramps up while they're breastfeeding, so be prepared that you may find yourself eating more than you were expecting.
• prepare a comfortable place in your home where you can sit, nurse your baby and rest; I enjoyed setting up a station on the couch with a baby seat nearby where I could lay my sleeping baby. I kept my phone, charger and plenty of snacks and a water bottle nearby. Don't forget to turn your ringer off when you're resting! 
• decide where and how you're going to document your baby's first few days (weeks, months); keeping a journal nearby where you can jot down a few sentences or keep a calendar nearby where you can jot down milestones or something you want to remember from the day. Once a month, I like adding my favorite pictures directly into a photo book online where I add text to document the month's happenings; at the end of the year I order it and we have all our favorite pictures in one place. 
• keep non-essential baby gear out of the way; while you may have lots of baby gear and toys for your baby to use in the future, it may feel cluttered to have it all sitting around for months at a time before your baby is big enough to use it. The same goes for clothing and shoes that are too large. 
• make a plan at the beginning of the day (or week) for how you're going to meet your various needs: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Taking care of your whole self can help you function, particularly when you're feeling sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. 

There's no one right way to plan for your postpartum and your baby's early months, but it usually helps to do some prep work before he is born. Only you know what you may need and what brings you comfort and reassurance. 

Alright, so you have stuff and you have things and you have a bit of this and that. So now you're about ready for Baby, right? 

Maybe. 

Or maybe what you need to do is get emotionally ready for this new little being that will share your home for the next eighteen more more years. 

I'm not saying you have to emotionally prep for parenting an eighteen year old, but you do need to wrap your head around building your family from where you are now to where you'll be in a matter of months (weeks, days?). 

Perhaps it's just you and your wife, and you're giddy that your first child will be born shortly. Or maybe you have four older kids and this new one was a (ahem) surprise! Families come in all different forms, but planning for and setting in place support for everyone involved can make your postpartum period that much more pleasant and enjoyable. 

As a family (and this includes small children and anyone who will be intimately involved the first few months), have a conversation about the anticipations surrounding the end of Mom's pregnancy. What does she need to feel well nourished, rested and prepared for labor, birth and caring for the needs of this new baby? Who will help support Mom, and are there things that every person can do to make the transition a bit smoother? 

What does the other parent need, in preparing for this new baby's birth? And what preparations can be made now to make the adjustment less stressful on everyone? If there are other children involved, do they have a realistic expectation on what changes may occur? And if you're not quite sure what changes may occur, then you may want to think about (talk, make a list, etc.) who carries various responsibilities now and who will take on these tasks or chores when Mom (and possibly the other parent) are unavailable? 

Some families find it takes a shorter amount of time before the parent(s) are ready to attempt some idea of before-baby "normalcy", and in fact, there may be tasks that simply can't be put to the side (i.e., walking the dog, eating dinner, wearing clean(ish) clothes! But just because these tasks can't be ignored, doesn't mean that Mom and/or the other parent needs to be the ones responsible. Perhaps budgeting during pregnancy for a postpartum doula may ease the burden of those tasks that need to happen. Or maybe planning ahead and freezing meals or setting up a meal train may be helpful when it comes to feeding everyone. 

This leads to the next idea that every person's expectations will have to shift, probably towards the end of Mom's pregnancy but definitely after the birth and during the early days and weeks (probably longer!). There may have been struggles to "get it all done" before the baby was born, and it's not going to magically get easier once Mom is no longer pregnant. Instead, the focus in the beginning of this new baby's life will be holding, feeding, diapering and resting. During this time, Mom will not be able to give 100% of her attention to anything in her life, rather she'll be balancing the needs of recovering, feeding her baby, and then shifting what is left of her energy to what is vital. Understanding that this is not how it will always be is a good reminder for everyone. There will come a time when the baby does not seemingly take everyone's time and energy, and it's helpful to think of what your baby is expecting and needing during the early days and weeks. 

Keeping open communication and remembering to let go of unrealistic expectations can be helpful in getting emotionally ready for this new baby!

Often times expectant parents are curious what they need to have before Baby arrives. If you look at any magazine articles, blogs or pregnancy books, you will most likely see a list of items you're encouraged to have. Talking with other parents, you'll also probably hear an earful: YOU-MUST-HAVE-THIS-AMAZING-BABY-GADGET-OR-ELSE!! 

Truth is, you (and your baby!) will be fine with the minimum amount of stuff that is out there and marketed to you. That's not to say that some of that stuff can't make your life a little easier for a short period of time (in the scheme of things), but you may find that this stuff just takes up space, costs money and remains unused for most of the time. With that said, as parents, YOU get to decide what you provide to your baby and what you put in your home. 

Whether you receive gifts, hand-me-downs or go shopping, consider a few things:

• Do I already own something similar? 
• Does my child "need"* this object? *need is used loosely!
• Is there a way my child would have access to this object elsewhere? 
• Is this object well-made, safe for my child and the environment? 
• Is there something I already have that could be a substitute for said object? 
• If I keep or buy this object, will it add to the growth and happiness for my child/our family or will it add stress/chaos due to size, upkeep or other factor?

Let me stress, there's nothing wrong with having a home full of baby toys, clothes, gear or other stuff...as long as you feel at peace with the quantity and quality of it all. But if it's stressful, hard to manage or chaotic sorting through everything related to baby, then perhaps you need to look at it with a critical eye and pass on, sell or store anything that is not helping or adding to the growth of your child or family. 

What are MY top five? 

1. set of toy keys for my baby to shake, chew and suck 
2. set of blocks (and watch how your child plays differently with them as she grows!)
3. Baby Legs leg warmers (perfect for adding or removing when the weather changes)
4. outdoor ball 
5. baby carrier (I prefer Ergo for it's durability and comfort)

What are YOUR top five object?