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Getting (Emotionally) Ready for Baby.

9/9/2014

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Alright, so you have stuff and you have things and you have a bit of this and that. So now you're about ready for Baby, right? 

Maybe. 

Or maybe what you need to do is get emotionally ready for this new little being that will share your home for the next eighteen more more years. 

I'm not saying you have to emotionally prep for parenting an eighteen year old, but you do need to wrap your head around building your family from where you are now to where you'll be in a matter of months (weeks, days?). 

Perhaps it's just you and your wife, and you're giddy that your first child will be born shortly. Or maybe you have four older kids and this new one was a (ahem) surprise! Families come in all different forms, but planning for and setting in place support for everyone involved can make your postpartum period that much more pleasant and enjoyable. 

As a family (and this includes small children and anyone who will be intimately involved the first few months), have a conversation about the anticipations surrounding the end of Mom's pregnancy. What does she need to feel well nourished, rested and prepared for labor, birth and caring for the needs of this new baby? Who will help support Mom, and are there things that every person can do to make the transition a bit smoother? 

What does the other parent need, in preparing for this new baby's birth? And what preparations can be made now to make the adjustment less stressful on everyone? If there are other children involved, do they have a realistic expectation on what changes may occur? And if you're not quite sure what changes may occur, then you may want to think about (talk, make a list, etc.) who carries various responsibilities now and who will take on these tasks or chores when Mom (and possibly the other parent) are unavailable? 

Some families find it takes a shorter amount of time before the parent(s) are ready to attempt some idea of before-baby "normalcy", and in fact, there may be tasks that simply can't be put to the side (i.e., walking the dog, eating dinner, wearing clean(ish) clothes! But just because these tasks can't be ignored, doesn't mean that Mom and/or the other parent needs to be the ones responsible. Perhaps budgeting during pregnancy for a postpartum doula may ease the burden of those tasks that need to happen. Or maybe planning ahead and freezing meals or setting up a meal train may be helpful when it comes to feeding everyone. 

This leads to the next idea that every person's expectations will have to shift, probably towards the end of Mom's pregnancy but definitely after the birth and during the early days and weeks (probably longer!). There may have been struggles to "get it all done" before the baby was born, and it's not going to magically get easier once Mom is no longer pregnant. Instead, the focus in the beginning of this new baby's life will be holding, feeding, diapering and resting. During this time, Mom will not be able to give 100% of her attention to anything in her life, rather she'll be balancing the needs of recovering, feeding her baby, and then shifting what is left of her energy to what is vital. Understanding that this is not how it will always be is a good reminder for everyone. There will come a time when the baby does not seemingly take everyone's time and energy, and it's helpful to think of what your baby is expecting and needing during the early days and weeks. 

Keeping open communication and remembering to let go of unrealistic expectations can be helpful in getting emotionally ready for this new baby!
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    Amy Beck is a mother, wife, birth doula, and childbirth educator. She values prenatal education and preparation as families prepare to welcome their baby. 

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