There comes a point in an expectant client's pregnancy where I begin nesting.  I start to put aside what I may need, should I receive a phone call in the middle of the night: comfortable clothing and shoes, my doula bag, food, drink, cell phone and charger, breast pump, and on. There have been times where I'm quite thankful to have been prepared, as it was helpful for me to have arrived sooner at her home, than later. 

I make arrangements with friends to care for Everett, I talk with my older children about the possibility of change in their routine, and I look ahead to what might need to be rearranged in my calendar. It's really an exciting time, even though my preparations may not be necessary for days or even weeks. 

I find that if I can settle into bed feeling like I have everything set, should I receive a phone call that night, that I sleep much better. I can fall asleep more quickly, and my sleep is more restful. 

With that said, if I treated each night's sleep as if it's going to be THE NIGHT, then it may feel like a very long waiting game. So instead, I make my preparations, and then I try to LET GO. I try to let go of that anticipation of, "will my client go into labor!?!", because I know that the more pressure I put that tonight may be THE NIGHT, then my energy is being put to use on something that doesn't need that level of energy. 

I remind myself that even knowing a client is three centimeters dilated at her last appointment, I still don't have any idea when her labor will start. Even if I've talked with her earlier in the day, and she's been feeling some cramps throughout the morning, that still doesn't mean she will be calling me later because her labor has intensified or she's requesting my support. 

So in order to really rest and be prepared for when I do receive a call, all I can do is prepare what I can and then LET GO of the questions that I don't have answers for. 

I encourage the families with whom I work to take a similar approach to their last weeks of pregnancy. When each night becomes WILL LABOR BEGIN TONIGHT? then it's bound to feel like a lengthy last few weeks. 

And before you try to tell me how hard it is to not know when labor will begin or that the last few weeks of pregnancy can be uncomfortable and exhausting in their own way, let me tell you: I GET IT! I totally understand feeling ready to go into labor, wondering when in the world my labor would begin, hoping that contractions would begin already! And it's really okay to feel how you feel, honestly. But if you're able to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that you can either stress yourself out with something you really can't control and feel even more exhausted OR you can remind yourself that letting go of those unanswered questions (when will I begin labor, how long will it last, etc.) can give you the space to prepare for your baby more peacefully. 

When you've pictured yourself laboring, getting ready for your baby birth's, who is by your side? Are you surrounded by many loved ones? Is only your midwife or doctor present, along with the midwife's assistant or nurse? Perhaps you have a birth doula, your partner and mother to support you? 

There's not one right way to labor, just as there's not one right birth team to put together. But do consider the benefits of having someone who is trained to support you during childbirth. This person, a birth doula, is familiar with the birth process and how to support you, along with your birth partner (i.e., husband, girlfriend, mother, etc.). She is available, not to replace your birth partner, but to compliment the relationship that already exists between you and your birth partner. She is there to support your needs along with making sure your birth partner feels supported. 

Maybe you're not quite sure you want a birth doula, or maybe it's your birth partner that is hesitant to add another person to your birth team. I encourage families that are curious about whether to hire a birth doula to go ahead and schedule interviews with several to learn more. Interviews are done at no charge, and you will have an opportunity to ask questions and share your thoughts and preferences regarding your pregnancy and upcoming birth. You'll also want to meet more than one birth doula, as you may not necessarily mesh well with the first one you meet or you may find that upon meeting a couple more doulas, that in fact the first one you interviewed is the best fit for everyone. You want to feel sure that you will feel comfortable and uninhibited around whoever it is surrounds you on the day of your baby's birth. 

I realize not everyone is necessarily interested in having a stranger at their birth, and I understand the hesitations. Keep in mind, the stranger your doula is to you at that first meeting will shift into a different relationship. More than likely, you'll develop a close and comfortable relationship with her as you move closer to your baby's birth, and by the time you call her when you go into labor, you will feel at ease with her presence during such a vulnerable and intimate time. 

Remember, your doula is experienced in childbirth (having witnessed it, perhaps having given birth, and is well educated in childbirth), and you will probably not surprise her with any of your noises, movements, requests or behaviors during labor and birth. 

If you're unsure you want to hire a doula, but you are interested in the prenatal support you may receive from meeting with one, keep in mind that you may be able to arrange for meetings with a birth doula without necessarily asking her to be part of your birth team. 

I offer consultation services, similar to my prenatal visits with my clients, for families that want to discuss birth planning (i.e., preferences, birth wishes, birth plans), comfort measures and movements, and postpartum planning. During this time, you'll have a chance to share your thoughts, ask questions, and have an opportunity for additional support and resources. 

Perhaps you are happy with your prenatal care, but you wish you had a bit more time to discuss how you're feeling, planning for your labor, and how to prepare for parenthood with your care provider. While I won't give medical advice, I am available to discuss with you a lot of things that often come up in getting ready for childbirth. Without having to commit to hiring a birth doula, I can bring the best of both worlds for families that don't want to have a birth doula present during childbirth. 

And if you do decide to hire me as your birth doula (based on my availability, this may not always be possible to arrange), I will apply the consultation fees towards my birth doula fee. 

If you want to set up a consultation meeting, please give me a call or send me an email. Fees are $40/hour and most consultations last 1-2 hours (we can arrange this prior to our meeting). 

Having worked with many laboring women, I have had the opportunity to witness a variety of laboring and birthing styles. 

I'm often asked during interviews, "what are some things you do to help a woman that is in labor?", and my answer is essentially the same: it depends. It depends on a variety of things, really, because not every woman needs the same type of support. Some laboring mothers really need hands-on support; perhaps her back is aching with every contraction and she needs counter- pressure to help cope through her contractions. Sometimes a laboring woman simply wants an experienced support person who can reassure her or simply be present. And sometimes a laboring mother and her partner want someone who can remind them of their preferences during their birthing experiences. I watch and listen to a laboring mother and respond to those words and body language. 


The things I do to support a laboring woman may not sound profound, and it may not even seem like you need to hire another person to do those things. But in talking with my previous clients and other families that have also worked with birth doulas, I'm repeatedly told how helpful it was to have a doula present. 

So what do I do? 

• provide hands-on support: massage, gentle touch, counter-pressure to her back or hips
• attend to her physical needs by providing items to bring comfort: warm blanket, cool compress, fan, rocking chair, extra pillows, a cold drink, snack, lip balm, hair elastic band, clean bed linen, socks, clean gown or underpants
• answering questions and providing information: reassurance about current stage of labor, reminder to ask questions (when applicable) to care provider (midwife, nurse, doctor), information about common interventions, suggestions re: laboring positions and movements which may facilitate the birthing process
• emotional support: positive statements concerning how mom is working through the stages of labor, emotional reassurance if medical interventions become necessary, support and loving presence if a laboring mother changes her preferences during the birthing process

I also tend to the needs of a laboring woman's partner or other support person. Often times the partner and I work together to provide support to the laboring mother; I might bring a fresh cool compress to her partner so he can remain bedside holding the cold cloth to the mother's head. I might provide back massage while the partner is able to maintain eye contact with the laboring mother, helping her through the contraction. I remind the birth partner to stay hydrated and nourished. I might provide counter- pressure to a woman's lower back while her partner slow dances with her, supporting her need for rhythmic movement. Sometimes labor lasts longer than the partner is anticipating and my presence allows her to take a quick break, knowing that that I will contact her if the laboring mother needs anything or if anything advances in labor during her absence. 

Essentially, my role is anticipate and respond. When I accompany a laboring woman and her partner to the hospital to be admitted, right away I begin setting the room in a way that may provide comfort and relaxation. I make sure there are plenty of pillows, drinks for the mother and her partner, and assist the mother change into a gown or whatever she chooses to wear in labor (sometimes it's a reminder to the mother that she wanted to avoid wearing a hospital gown, which she may be suggested to wear, simply part of the routine admittance process). If the mother wanted to have certain tools available, I remember to ask for these items (birth ball, peanut, squat bar, etc). I can handle the physical environment while her partner may be supporting her emotional needs, as she is admitted to the hospital system. And of course, if the mother doesn't have another support person present, then my role is usually even more essential. 

Part of laboring is getting out of the "thinking" part of the brain and moving into the "being" part, so my role as birth doula means anticipating what a laboring woman needs. Is she licking her lips, because they are dry from breathing heavily with each contraction? Is she moving her mouth and tongue in a way that shows she's thirsty? Is she struggling to get into a hands and knees position with each contraction? I am there to help before she even has to ask, and she may not even be able to verbalize her needs because of the intensity of labor. And often times, a partner learns to anticipate the laboring mother's needs, but it can be challenging or possibly overwhelming as labor intensifies because the partner is not only having to respond to the laboring mother's needs, but the partner also has his/her own needs. The partner may be worried about the intensity (is this labor normal?), wondering what s/he can do to support the laboring woman (I feel helpless, or I don't remember what to do), or the partner may simply need an extra pair of hands so s/he can remain with the laboring mother at all times (I can't reach her water or I don't know where to quickly find a new pillowcase). 

As a birth doula, I see my role as being secondary to the partner. I want the partner and laboring mother to look back at their baby's birth and see it as an intimate and special experience. I support that and I like to slip into the background, as each experience dictates. I like to think that I can set the stage and provide the necessary support while helping keep the experience between the mother and her partner. Sometimes I am very much part of the laboring process, and it is "the three of us" type of feeling. And that's okay! But I don't ever want to have a partner feel like I'm replacing him or that she is not needed to support the laboring mother. 

So what do I do to support a laboring mother and her partner? Basically, anything! And also, it depends on what she is needing. 

~Amy