Becoming a parent means making decisions for your child when they are too young to do so themselves. Some of these may not impact the child greatly while others carry more risk or responsibility in the decision. 

Sometimes the decision we make as parents of young children in 2014 were not even a choice back when we were born or growing up. Or maybe current research points to alternatives to what we experienced as children. There may also be "hot button" issues for new parents, choices that feel big and critical and not worth compromising. These issues may not have existed for the new grandparents, or if they did, the grandparents chose differently. 

Trying to explain why you're insisting your child doesn't eat solid foods until 6 months or your preference for more natural skin-care products, for example, can be met with resistance. Perhaps your parents don't understand how you came to that decision, or they may not be familiar with the current recommendations. Maybe your parents consciously chose differently than you, and now anything other than the way you were raised feels confrontational or as if you're saying they made the wrong choices. To which you will probably hear, "but you turned out fine!". And you may agree you turned out fine, or you may feel that fine is fine but you want better than fine. Or, maybe you have health issues that may not have occurred had your parents chosen differently with any of the decisions they were faced. Regardless, it's bound to feel uncomfortable for either or both parties involved, and there may be some unnecessary stress during a time when you're trying to figure out this whole parenting gig. 

I don't have all the answers, by any means, but here are some ideas for handling "but you turned out fine!" statements. 

• Choose your battles, New Parent. Yes, I believe that it feels ultra important that you make every decision about your child, regardless of importance of outcome. But to parent in community and with loved ones means you can lean on others for support. You may not have to make every decision by yourself, and while that may feel scary for you in the beginning, it's going to set you up for feeling well supported as your child grows. That's not to say you have to compromise on the issues that are mega-important, because you don't. There are going to be big issues that you just won't change your mind. And that's okay. But if every decision has the same value, then you may feel overburdened and overwhelmed by having to oversee that anyone caring for your child cares for him the exact same way as you, making the same decisions as you. 
• State your preferences, state your no-compromise issues. If your child is going to be cared by another, be clear about what it is you will not compromise. Correct carseat use every time? Yes, definitely. Nap time at exactly 1:30pm? There's some wriggle room there to allow for your child's day and mood. And don't feel like you need to apologize for your no-compromise issues. State that research supports your choice or point to your pediatrician as the expert who also supports your choice. Or simply say this is your decision and you're standing by it. Also, I suspect that if you leave some room for your care provider and/or your child to be part of the decision making process on some of the issues that may not truly be all that critical, you will get less resentment or kick-back on your no-compromise issues. 
• Put yourself in their shoes. Just as we wouldn't dare imagine our precious little ones someday scolding us that we didn't make the right choices or rolling their eyes at us that we would even think of... think about how you're communicating with your parents about the issues that are important to you. I think everyone can agree a great many kids have grown into healthy and happy adults, in spite of how they were raised. But talking to your parents as if they know absolutely nothing about child-rearing may not help the matter or your relationship. If your parents made choices that truly did put you in danger, and you know they will make the same choice with their grandchild, then that needs to be addressed. But again, part of parenting in community means trusting and leaning on others for support. Some of that means letting go of micromanaging the smaller details. 

Take that deep breath, let it go and learn to state confidently the issues that matter most to you. The rest? You can decide when and how to let others help you in caring for your child, even if it's not the exact same care as you'd provide. 

When your baby is born, he will expect to be held. He will expect to be close to you or someone else that loves him very much. He will expect to be tended to, his needs met. He will show hunger cues, to which he will expect to be fed. You will notice your baby relaxing in your arms as he settles in, nourished and comforted. 

In the early days, when it feels like all you're doing is feeding, changing, and soothing (among other baby-related tasks). keep in mind that you and your baby are both learning. You're also not only healing from birth, but you're producing nourishing milk, and your hormones are shifting as you settle into your non-pregnant, lactating body. Throw on top of that lack of continuous sleep and it's no wonder the first few days (weeks, months) are all a blur. 

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to those with whom you live. Everyone is learning. Everyone is adjusting.

I like to encourage you to create a comfortable, peaceful environment as you approach your due date so that once your baby is born, you will find your space to be conducive to healing, growing and learning. You don't want to put it off for once your baby is here, as you may not feel like tending to those details. 

You may want to:

• set aside clean bedding that someone can put on your bed for once your baby is born. Settling into a comfortable, clean bed can feel so nice. 
• invest in body washes or soaps that you will want to use if you bring your baby in the bath with you; something without dyes or perfumes may be better for baby's sensitive skin. 
• buy snacks and drinks that are yummy, healthy, and nourishing; you will want to have plenty of food and drinks on hand so that you aren't searching for something to eat when you're hungry. Some women say their appetite ramps up while they're breastfeeding, so be prepared that you may find yourself eating more than you were expecting.
• prepare a comfortable place in your home where you can sit, nurse your baby and rest; I enjoyed setting up a station on the couch with a baby seat nearby where I could lay my sleeping baby. I kept my phone, charger and plenty of snacks and a water bottle nearby. Don't forget to turn your ringer off when you're resting! 
• decide where and how you're going to document your baby's first few days (weeks, months); keeping a journal nearby where you can jot down a few sentences or keep a calendar nearby where you can jot down milestones or something you want to remember from the day. Once a month, I like adding my favorite pictures directly into a photo book online where I add text to document the month's happenings; at the end of the year I order it and we have all our favorite pictures in one place. 
• keep non-essential baby gear out of the way; while you may have lots of baby gear and toys for your baby to use in the future, it may feel cluttered to have it all sitting around for months at a time before your baby is big enough to use it. The same goes for clothing and shoes that are too large. 
• make a plan at the beginning of the day (or week) for how you're going to meet your various needs: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Taking care of your whole self can help you function, particularly when you're feeling sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. 

There's no one right way to plan for your postpartum and your baby's early months, but it usually helps to do some prep work before he is born. Only you know what you may need and what brings you comfort and reassurance. 

We celebrated my daughter's first birthday in August 2007. I used a babyfood cookbook for ideas and guidance in feeding her solids, and in the book was a recipe for a raspberry cake. 

No joking, I was as excited for her first birthday party as I was for my wedding day. For me, it was a celebration of not only my daughter's first year, but it felt like such a HUGE milestone for me as her mother. 

We had lived in Vermont her first year, away from family, and this was really the first time that our entire family and good friends would be in one space to celebrate her existence. 

I don't recall if Pinterest existed at that point, but I really didn't fix my sight on anything elaborate, except for this cake. 

This cake. 

It was entirely from scratch. I whipped the cream and spent a couple hours preparing this cake. 

How did I feel that day, hosting over forty people at my in-law's home, creating a cake from scratch and did I mention, very NEWLY pregnant? 

I felt stressed out, tired and anxious. I begged someone to just watch Avery and take care of her while I prepared for the party. I honestly can't remember much of the party, besides that cake. 

And that's what makes me feel sad to this day. That fleeting moment, when we celebrated my daughter's first year, I only remember the cake. I don't recall much of my daughter's silliness, and I don't remember taking time to really connect with her and tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to be her mom. 

Instead, I remember that cake and the stress in preparing for the party. 

Since then, I've made the mistake one other time in hosting a large party and getting overwhelmed with the details. But I've really tried to be in the moment, enjoying my guests and my family during subsequent parties. I've put less pressure on the party and more emphasis on my child. 

While I still visit Pinterest, I honestly have no drive or desire to create our parties from scratch or to consume my energy with the small details. Perhaps if it brought me more joy or if it wasn't as stressful, I would tend to the details. But for now, while I'm parenting three young children and some days trying to keep my head above water, I'm just doing what I can do be in the moment. 

Waiting.

It seems as if so much surrounding children involves waiting. And it usually begins with those first thoughts, "I'd love to have a baby." In the beginning, you may be waiting to ovulate or to see if your period comes. You may be waiting to take that pregnancy test or schedule that appointment to see your doctor. And then when you become pregnant, that first piece of waiting is over. 

But now, you may be waiting to tell your parents or your coworkers or your Facebook friends. And then you may be waiting to find out test, lab or ultrasound results. Perhaps you're waiting until you can find out the sex of the baby or maybe you're just waiting until the birth date for that one. You're waiting for your belly to round or you're waiting for those kicks. You're waiting to feel better and less tired or you're waiting to indulge in your favorite foods (sushi, soft cheeses) until after delivery, per What to Expect While Expecting. 

During your pregnancy, you can't imagine wanting to give birth any sooner than your due date, but as you get further in your pregnancy, you start to feel more ready and excited and anxious than ever before. You find yourself at 35 weeks thinking about your due date, only a month or so away. And as it creeps closer, your belly grows and you start to feel more uncomfortable, more ready to meet this baby. At 37 weeks, you start announcing to everyone that your baby is full-term now, and that he can be born whenever he likes! And you start thinking, any day...any day! You reach 38 weeks, certain that you won't have to wait much longer...will tonight be the night I go into labor? 39 weeks arrives and you're positive that there's no way whatsoever that you will still be pregnant and make that OB appointment next week. Your due date is here (yeah!) and you're STILL PREGNANT. You're certain this baby will be born sometime in the next 18 hours, and every hour that passes you start to realize your baby will be not born today and you will in fact be pregnant again tomorrow. You schedule an appointment for 41 weeks, hoping, praying, begging your body to still not be pregnant at that point. You have been waiting, waiting, WAITING to go into labor and you had no anticipation of making it to 41 weeks, let alone a whole new month you're now in! You were supposed to have a February baby, not a March baby! So you're at 41 weeks, scheduling additional tests to monitor baby, and you leave the appointment feeling like you're never going to give birth. You're the one woman that will remain pregnant forever. 

You go to bed, settled on the fact that you will give birth to a four year old and that's just how it'll be. Or maybe you'll just go ahead and schedule that induction for a few days from now, as your body clearly can't do its job. 

Only...you wake up at 3am feeling something you haven't felt before. It's kind of this crampy, uncomfortable feeling that makes you pay attention. It's short lived, your uterus softens and you glance at the clock. Okay, that was weird, you think. You close your eyes, only to feel this crampy tightening again, 10 minutes later. Hmmm... I might as well get up and use the toilet since I'm already awake. You make your way into the bathroom, and when you wipe, you notice the toilet paper is gooey. As you're walking back into your room, you feel another tightening, this time making you stop and pause. And then it hits you...the waiting is over! This is it! This is the beginning of your journey in meeting your baby. 

You spent the rest of labor, working through contractions, but essentially waiting for labor to intensify, and once it does, you're waiting for the time to begin pushing. Once you start pushing, you're waiting for that final push that brings your baby into your arms. And then...it happens! Your baby is here. The waiting is over!!! Or is it? 

You'll find yourself waiting for lots of changes and developmental milestones to be reached. And if you allow it, you'll find yourself spending much of your time waiting for the next stage to happen. 

But I encourage you to slow down, notice where your emotions and thoughts are now, and steady them so that you stay in the moment. This is not to say you have to enjoy every step along the way and just be happy... no. I'm just suggesting that if you spend your energy waiting for the next moment, you're going to lose out on what is happening RIGHT NOW. 

Your baby will be born. Your baby will sleep for longer stretches. Your toddler will start talking. 

Take the time, now, to just be where you are in whatever stage of parenthood you happen to be. And notice how peaceful it can be to just be there, rather than always feeling like you're waiting for something else. 

Often times expectant parents are curious what they need to have before Baby arrives. If you look at any magazine articles, blogs or pregnancy books, you will most likely see a list of items you're encouraged to have. Talking with other parents, you'll also probably hear an earful: YOU-MUST-HAVE-THIS-AMAZING-BABY-GADGET-OR-ELSE!! 

Truth is, you (and your baby!) will be fine with the minimum amount of stuff that is out there and marketed to you. That's not to say that some of that stuff can't make your life a little easier for a short period of time (in the scheme of things), but you may find that this stuff just takes up space, costs money and remains unused for most of the time. With that said, as parents, YOU get to decide what you provide to your baby and what you put in your home. 

Whether you receive gifts, hand-me-downs or go shopping, consider a few things:

• Do I already own something similar? 
• Does my child "need"* this object? *need is used loosely!
• Is there a way my child would have access to this object elsewhere? 
• Is this object well-made, safe for my child and the environment? 
• Is there something I already have that could be a substitute for said object? 
• If I keep or buy this object, will it add to the growth and happiness for my child/our family or will it add stress/chaos due to size, upkeep or other factor?

Let me stress, there's nothing wrong with having a home full of baby toys, clothes, gear or other stuff...as long as you feel at peace with the quantity and quality of it all. But if it's stressful, hard to manage or chaotic sorting through everything related to baby, then perhaps you need to look at it with a critical eye and pass on, sell or store anything that is not helping or adding to the growth of your child or family. 

What are MY top five? 

1. set of toy keys for my baby to shake, chew and suck 
2. set of blocks (and watch how your child plays differently with them as she grows!)
3. Baby Legs leg warmers (perfect for adding or removing when the weather changes)
4. outdoor ball 
5. baby carrier (I prefer Ergo for it's durability and comfort)

What are YOUR top five object?