No joking, I was as excited for her first birthday party as I was for my wedding day. For me, it was a celebration of not only my daughter's first year, but it felt like such a HUGE milestone for me as her mother.
We had lived in Vermont her first year, away from family, and this was really the first time that our entire family and good friends would be in one space to celebrate her existence.
I don't recall if Pinterest existed at that point, but I really didn't fix my sight on anything elaborate, except for this cake.
It was entirely from scratch. I whipped the cream and spent a couple hours preparing this cake.
How did I feel that day, hosting over forty people at my in-law's home, creating a cake from scratch and did I mention, very NEWLY pregnant?
I felt stressed out, tired and anxious. I begged someone to just watch Avery and take care of her while I prepared for the party. I honestly can't remember much of the party, besides that cake.
And that's what makes me feel sad to this day. That fleeting moment, when we celebrated my daughter's first year, I only remember the cake. I don't recall much of my daughter's silliness, and I don't remember taking time to really connect with her and tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to be her mom.
Instead, I remember that cake and the stress in preparing for the party.
Since then, I've made the mistake one other time in hosting a large party and getting overwhelmed with the details. But I've really tried to be in the moment, enjoying my guests and my family during subsequent parties. I've put less pressure on the party and more emphasis on my child.
While I still visit Pinterest, I honestly have no drive or desire to create our parties from scratch or to consume my energy with the small details. Perhaps if it brought me more joy or if it wasn't as stressful, I would tend to the details. But for now, while I'm parenting three young children and some days trying to keep my head above water, I'm just doing what I can do be in the moment.